Service with a Spank

A man saved spare change all his life

Which he didn’t want to roll

‘cause dirty fingers scare his wife

And Coinstar® takes its toll.

“What can I do,” he whined online,

“to save my piggy bank?

I want to keep that which is mine,

Not get service with a spank.”

Commenters came from all around

To put their two cents in.

They proved that laziness abounds

And few have coin parties with kin.

“Coinstar® does not slap on a fee

To gift cards you ‘buy’ there.

They convert your cash for free

And send you shopping somewhere.”

“At Santa Barbara Bank and Trust

The fee was just one percent.

Yet back when their finances went bust,

I bet it’s one they chose to augment.”

“I’ve been taking coins to Vegas for years

To play slots and then cash in.”

“Forget that now dude (and please, no tears)

‘Coin play’ now gives a paper ticket win.”

“Let’s not forget that a trip to Vegas

Is quite a frivolous cost.

And, gambling with spare change won’t save us.

Wagered money usually gets lost.”

Then one lone voice seemed to find reason,

“Rolling coins can be a party.”

Yet commenters found that too not pleasin’,

“My bank charges for coin rolls, smarty.”

And so it seems that there is no way

To avoid getting spanked with a fee,

Unless you use up your coins and pay

Using cash for small things like coffee.