Getting the Most out of Your Holiday Card Photos (and What to Do When They Don’t Go Perfectly)

It’s a scene I recognize well: a family with multiple young children traipsing through Ellwood Mesa or the Carpinteria Bluffs. Someone is wailing. Someone’s suspenders refuse to stay up. Lollipops are proffered and sticky fingers hastily intercepted with a wet wipe that appears as if from nowhere. It’s weirdly the hottest day in weeks, despite creeping toward December. Parents do their best to keep their kids from running off, but they’re visibly harried. And overseeing it all is a wise, experienced guide for whom this is just another day on the job: the family photographer.

I’ve been there ― on the parent side, that is. While some families have professional photos taken every year, we opted for once every three or four years. Each time, I was glad we did it ― the lasting memories, no-brainer grandparent holiday gifts, and guaranteed capture of the whole family together were always worth the investment ― but getting it done never came easy. Looking back now at my younger-mom self, I realize a lot of the stress was caused by expectations I put on myself, ratcheted upward by our cultural obsession with gorgeous holiday cards.

From choosing outfits to managing expectations, navigating meltdowns, and letting go when a shoot doesn’t go perfectly, I’ve assembled some tips from my own experience for those of you making the investment in professional family photos this fall. I also chatted with local family photographers (and parents themselves) Sara Prince and Jennifer Yau to get perspective from the other side of the lens. 

1. Lean on your photographer’s location expertise

You may have a vision of posing on a bridge, or with your toes in the sand; by all means, share those ideas with the photographer you choose. But once you’ve agreed on a general location, I recommend letting the professional guide you from there. They know how the angle of the setting sun hits a particular rock at a specific time in late October, and why it works best to capture kids running through a field before sitting in the grass (or vice versa). Trusting their process and even being amenable to last-minute shifts in time or location often yields the best photos.

2. Style the family you actually have

Your photographer is also a great resource for outfit inspiration and styling tips, but here’s where I think parents know best. It’s tempting to recreate a look you found on Instagram or Pinterest, but don’t forget to run those ideas through the mental filter of your own, actual family. If you have a kid who hates dresses or socks, a pre-teen with an emerging sense of individual style, or a partner who can’t stand jeans, you’ll need to weigh the downsides of requiring that they don the outfits of your choosing. I’ve had success offering older kids and teens limited choices from a selection I curated; for babies and toddlers, I picked the outfits but tried to stick to comfortable fabrics that fit their stage and personality, and when possible I avoided dressing them in something brand-new.

Photographer and mother of two Sara Prince stresses the importance of choosing clothes that everyone in the family feels comfortable in ― and that doing so actually results in better photos. “The look that wins every time is when families wear what they feel the best in. If kids hate what they’re wearing, it’s much harder for parents to find moments of genuine connection during our time together ― and those moments make for the best photos.”

3. Bring layers, backup options, and a sense of humor

One year, my 4-year-old gave himself artistically impressive forearm tattoos with a ballpoint pen while I dressed the toddler for family photos ― a style choice we didn’t realize until we were in the car on the way to the shoot. No matter how much thought you put into styling your family, assume that both the clothing and the humans have some surprises in store. I recommend bringing extra layers like cardigans and light jackets, styling options like hats and hair ties, and backup outfits and diaper changes for the littlest ones.

Jennifer Yau, family photographer and mom to three kids, says styling your family in layers also helps add movement to the photos and give idle hands something to do. “I think of layers as natural props, which can help make a shoot more fun and bring variety to the poses we do. Long, flowy dresses are popular for women, but you can get the same effect with kimono-style tops, or jackets and hats.”

No matter how many unexpected turns the photo shoot takes, know that the vast majority of the details you’ve thought carefully about won’t matter as much in the end as your ability to be present with your family during the photo session. Prince says her favorite moments to capture are the ones when parents “let go of expectations and focus completely on connecting with their kids ― without worrying about the outcome. Those are the photos you’ll love to look at later because they’ll feel like real life.” 

4. Plan time to ready yourself

As a mom who very much does live in the details and enjoys a sense ― or an illusion ― of control, I like to give myself plenty of time to get ready for family photos. It’s easy to put off your own styling until the family is ready, but in my experience, that’s a recipe for running out of time. If making an appointment for a blow-dry or a manicure the day before family photos will help you feel ready and relaxed on the day of, go for it.

For best results, have a quick solo dance party when trying on your own outfit, Prince recommends. “Most people try on clothes standing still in front of a mirror, but make sure the outfit you choose also works when you’re moving, playing, holding a toddler, or hugging a teen. It’s really important for moms in particular to feel great in their outfit; if they’re pulling at a neckline, it gets in the way of genuine connection.”

5. There may be meltdowns, and that’s okay

I asked both Prince and Yau how they handle a family photo shoot when kids’ behavior isn’t all sunshine and smiles, and their answers surprised me. It starts, Prince says, with how she approaches the shoot itself.

“My shoots are very movement-focused. I won’t say meltdowns never happen ― it comes with the territory ― but I make a point to connect with the kids, and let them know we’re just going to have fun. I never push or bribe or force anything. I almost always follow the child’s lead and engage them along the way. I know parents worry about kids not behaving or following instructions, but I think the key is having it be a fun experience rather than a ‘wear this outfit, listen to directions, and smile on command’ chore.”

Yau agrees and adds that as a photographer, it’s rarely the children’s behavior that sours the mood ― it’s the parents’! “Let go of how your child will behave during the shoot,” she says. “The photographer doesn’t think anything of your ‘wild child.’ It’s the parents’ reaction that can cause a shoot to go downhill. When parents are barking commands at their kids from behind the photographer or giving kids instructions that conflict with what we’re trying to do, it’s not fun for anyone. If you come ready to play and love on your child, we can take it from there.”

To reduce power struggles, Yau shared a smart, practical tip: “Don’t bring anything that you don’t want in the photo. One time, I had parents give their 5-year-old their phone to lure him out of the car … and the rest of the shoot involved taking the phone away from the child! I tell families to not bring anything but keys and phones, and I store those items in my camera bag.”

6. Prep the kids beforehand, and plan a celebration for afterward

Even very young kids benefit from knowing what’s about to happen, why it’s important, and what’s expected of them. You might say something like, “We’re going to a park to have pictures taken of our family having fun together. It means so much to the people we love to look at our pictures when they miss us, and someday when you’re all grown up, you might love having nice pictures as memories. While we’re there, I need you to listen and do your best, and sometimes might need to sit still even when you’d rather be playing. I know that’s hard, but you’ll get to take breaks, and after it’s over, we’ll have a treat!”

While I avoid bribing my kids as a general rule, I’ve enjoyed much success with a strategically employed photo shoot incentive plan ― usually in the form of a cake pop or cookie that the kids got to pick out ahead of time but waited to enjoy until after the session. Yau cautions against using treats during a photo shoot to coax kids along ― “I’ve lost precious shooting time when kids discover treats or candy in Mom’s bag!” she notes ― but I’ll admit I’ve gotten through at least one with gummy bears in my pocket and it got the job done. 

However you navigate this season’s pressure to achieve the perfect holiday photo card, remember this advice from Sara Prince: “You’ll want to look back at these photos and see your true selves, not a memory of a stressful day when your kids weren’t listening or you hated your outfit. Keep it chill, and the rest will fall into place.”

(And if I see you on the bluffs this fall with a crying toddler wearing suspenders, I’ll be high-fiving you from afar. I’ve been there, and you’ve got this.)

Sarah Powers is a writer, podcaster, and communications professional. As co-creator of the chart-topping parenting podcast The Mom Hour, Sarah has produced more than 1,000 hours of audio content for parents. She was raised in Santa Barbara but lived elsewhere for more than two decades before finding her way back home in 2020. She’s a fan of public libraries, attending live theater, quirky old houses, photography, and travel planning at home in her pajamas. Sarah and her husband have three kids, two cats, one dog, and a very spoiled guinea pig.