Kill Phil E. Buster

It is time to assassinate the 101st United States senator. He corrupts the Constitution, destroys democracy, and is the American antichrist. He used to stand and talk, but now sits and snubs, controlling any legislation at will, defeating on a whim the constitutionally mandated simple-majority vote. His name is Phil E. Buster.

There are those sitting at the table in the halls of government, as Arthur with his knights at the round table, who want to create a city of shining light, tranquil serenity, abundant produce, welcome memories, secure streets, amicable neighbors, and a spirited society. Then there are those more interested in their own interests than the nation’s.

We elect our two senators because we trust them to defend our values and promote our best interests. Yet, they allow themselves to be dominated not by a weary, long-standing, telephone-book-reading, filibustering senator, but by a simple notice that taxes no corporeal being. Those whom we send to our national sanctum, instead of being stalwarts of civil rights, suffer themselves to be denigrated to boot-lickers, slaves to a tradition also known in other democracies; whimpering before their mocking, whatever-we-can-get-away-with masters in the minority; and having to pass legislation by labyrinthine contortions rather than a simple majority.

The principle of unlimited debate has been transmogrified into unlimited obstruction. We are betrayed, abandoned, and isolated. Those whom we send to exercise our will allow themselves to be exorcised. We ask, nay, demand, that our champions draw forth their legislative Excalibur and slay this pernicious tyrant.