Saving Ryan’s Privates

It took a long time to get Sarah Palin out of my nightmares. I was certain the Republicans had learned a hard lesson: Right-wing wingnuts do not a majority make. Wrong. No lesson learned. So, is Mitt marrying a mutt?

In the event that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are elected, here are some of my suggestions for the first 100 days.

1. Privatizing Social Security: Let Lehman Brothers return to operate it – rename the new company Lehman and Lazarus. The new motto: “We’re back from the dead.” Theme song, “Happy Days Are Here Again,” sung by the Grateful Dead (or tribute band).

2. Reduce Congress by 50 percent. Los Angeles Times poll shows approval rating at 10%. Jon Stewart and Warren Buffet would decide who stays.

3. Protect your loved ones. Buy ten acres of Canadian property and apply for dual citizenship. Practice saying, “Pop me one, eh?”