As the President fills positions in his administration, he chooses people based on how loyal they will be to him rather than their competence for the job — of course he claims his choices are based on merit. However, the more people he selects, the more it seems obvious that his candidates have to pass some kind of Loyalty Test before being nominated. I’m sure the White House, if asked, would vehemently deny that any such test exists. But guess what —
Somehow I was able to obtain a copy of this Loyalty Test — which exists only on paper so that there’s no digital evidence of it. Therefore, in an act of Thoreauvian civil disobedience, I’m putting it online. I cannot verify its authenticity, but you can take my word that it’s real. I mean, it’s right in front of you. So scroll down, take the test, and find out if you’re loyal enough to be hired.
LOYALTY TEST
What should we do about the growing influence of right-wing parties in Europe?
(a) Support the German admonition, “Never again.” (0 POINTS)
(b) Applaud. (10 POINTS)
What happened on January 6th?
(a) A seditious mob attacked the Capitol. (0 POINTS)
(b) A bunch of heroes tried to Stop the Steal. (10 POINTS)
On January 28, 2025, a popular podcaster called for “total personnel warfare – everybody has to go” when referring to your opposition. What do you do?
(a) Ignore his ignorant rants. (0 POINTS)
(b) Make him Deputy FBI Director. (10 POINTS)
What should we do about Greenland?
(a) What do you mean? (0 POINTS)
(b) Take it. (10 POINTS)
Should we make Canada our 51st state?
(a) That’s very funny. (0 POINTS)
(b) Take it. (10 POINTS)
Panama charges too much to use its canal. What should we do?
(a) Negotiate lower rates? (0 POINTS)
(b) Take it. (10 POINTS)
Putin or Zelensky – which one would you call a dictator?
(a) Putin, of course. (0 POINTS)
(b) Zelensky, of course. (10 POINTS)
What do you know about tariffs?
(a) They are part of an out-dated economic policy. (0 POINTS)
(b) They are the answer to everything. (10 POINTS)
Who wrote, “He who saves his Country does not violate any Law”?
(a) A President justifying his absolute dictatorial power. (0 POINTS)
(b) A President you can follow with impunity and immunity. (10 POINTS)
What do you think of DEI policies?
(a) Diversity is the heart and soul of America. (0 POINTS)
(b) Woke garbage. (10 POINTS)
Should we get rid of the T in LGBT on government websites?
(a) Don’t be stupid. You can’t get rid of people by erasing a letter. (0 POINTS)
(b) Absolutely. The idea suits me to a “T” (haha). (10 POINTS)
Who runs the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)?
(a) That’s easy – Elon Musk. (0 POINTS)
(b) Amy Gleason. According to the White House, Musk has “no actual or formal authority” over government decisions. (10 POINTS)
On his Truth Social account the President posted an AI video showing a vision of post-war Gaza: it replaces the destroyed homes of Palestinians with a Middle East Riviera complete with a resort called Trump Gaza – which includes a statue of him made of gold. What’s your reaction to this vision?
(a) It’s disgusting. (0 POINTS)
(b) I’m in. Are there time-shares available? (10 POINTS)
Who worked at USAID?
(a) People who cared about human health and safety. (0 POINTS)
(b) Radical lunatics. (10 POINTS)
What was the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts famous for?
(a) Celebrating American culture. (0 POINTS)
(b) Putting on drag shows for children. (10 POINTS)
Final Question: Do you believe the President was sent here with a Divine Purpose?
(a) Why would God send us a narcissistic sociopath? (0 POINTS)
(b) Yes. (50 POINTS)
This is the end of the test. Add up your points. If your score is less than 200, don’t bother submitting your resume. And remember –
THE FIRST RULE OF LOYALTY TEST IS YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT LOYALTY TEST.