From Student to Stripper to Rocker

UC Santa Barbara Grad Aimee Bushong’s Memoir ‘Rock ’n’ Pole’ Brings Real-Life Experiences to the Page

Aimee Bushong | Credit: Courtesy

Who hasn’t had fantasies of being a rock star? Skillfully playing a sleek electric guitar, energetically pounding out a drum solo, or captivating a sold-out crowd with your voice and lyrics — it’s an intoxicating vision. But how far would you go to make it a reality?

UCSB grad Aimee Bushong discovered her love for songwriting and performing at a young age, and as she neared the end of her high school career, she began to pursue the possibility of a future in music, only to have her dreams quickly dampened by the cost of music recording and production. When a chance meeting with a stripper at a party opens her eyes to the opportunity to perform, make money, and earn male attention all in one job, she jumps at it, and this one encounter sets the course for the next 14 years of her life.

From UCSB parties in Isla Vista to the ski slopes of Steamboat Springs, Bushong’s memoir, Rock ’n’ Pole, tells her story, the lows of seedy strip clubs, disrespectful patrons, tough bosses, and the endless grind of self-promotion as an artist just starting out, all the way to the ultimate high: performing music for a cheering crowd, knowing that her ambition and determination created this moment.

After reading her memoir for my All Booked newsletter and absolutely loving it, I had the pleasure of interviewing Bushong about her musical pursuits, writing process, and what it takes to turn your life story into a book.

The following interview has been lightly edited for clarity.

You write about the early discovery of your love of music and performing, but not as much about writing, other than songs. What inspired you to tell your story as a book in the first place?

Throughout my journey as a dancer, I have never been shy about telling people what I did for a living. When I started my band and was dancing at the same time, people kept telling me I should write a book, as they thought my story was very interesting and unique. So, when I finally retired from dancing in 2004 and was unemployed, I figured that was the best time to start writing, and when I started putting it down on the page, it just all came out in a flood of words very quickly. And I have spent the last 20 years revising it.

What was the biggest challenge you faced while writing? Was it difficult to confront certain memories?

The biggest challenge while writing was trying to write for the reader — what do they want to know? What do they not want to know? What do I think would be boring, exciting, mundane, unnecessary for them? That was difficult, because everyone thinks their story is amazing, but the reader may not. I have a whole other book of outtakes from my memoir that I had in, then took out, then put back in, then took out again. It’s a tedious process, but in the end, readers want something they can relate to. Even if a reader has never been a stripper or in a rock band, maybe they can relate to following a dream or getting let down over and over, or celebrating great achievements, crazy family members, college roommates, etc.

It was indeed difficult to confront certain memories. In fact, there were times that I had to stop the writing process for a while because the memories I was writing about were just too much for me and I would get overwhelmed with emotions. It is usually not a good idea to write when you are emotional. You must separate yourself from whatever you are writing, as emotions will be reflected on the page, and usually that doesn’t work out too well. When you haven’t thought about something for a very long time, new ways to process it arise, and maybe even new emotions or clearer memories of what happened. Nobody likes to think about bad things that happened to them. The bad memories were tough. But on the other hand, the good memories were great!

Fantasy versus reality is a big theme in your story — the fantasy of adoring male attention and affection versus the reality of facing a lot of disrespect; the fantasy of a rich record executive arriving to see you perform and immediately seeing your talent versus the reality of years of hard work and endless self-promotion. Can you tell me more about how you kept your optimism even when the reality didn’t live up to how you’d hoped it would?

During the final year that I went back to dancing so I could pay for the production of my album and manage the band, when I thought I could not endure giving one more lap dance, or listen to men spout out their sexual fetishes to me while grinding on their laps, I told myself that this was the sacrifice I was willing to take so I could realize my dream. Before I would open the door at the strip clubs, when my mental state about my job got really bad, I would tell myself, “You’re doing this for the band. Just endure. Endure.” We all make sacrifices in life in one way or another. Mine just happened to be taking my clothes off at the behest of horny dudes.

Were there any realizations or epiphanies you had about your life story while writing about it and examining it in hindsight?

Oh yes. While I was writing about my past and examining those memories, I was able to finally understand why I did certain things. At the time, like when I started stripping when I was still in high school, I didn’t have the maturity or wherewithal to examine why I was doing these things, but writing my memoir as an adult really helped me understand why I did certain things and gave me insight as to what may have led to these choices. It was fascinating and very healing.

Other women who experienced instances of sexism, feeling degraded, etc., may choose to leave it in the past and not relive it. What made you decide to not only confront the less-positive aspects of your life story, but also detail them in a book?

Because my experiences working as a stripper were never so bad that I wanted to erase or repress those memories. Sure, it took a toll on my mental health at times, but I do not regret my choices. I tried to make the less savory aspects of adult entertainment into humorous anecdotes in my book. And as I said, when I was dancing and playing music in my band at the same time, people would beg me to write a book about it, as not a lot of people get to know what it’s really like backstage at a strip club, or even more, at a rock show, and the endless self-promotion it takes to make it as a local band.

How did your experience living in Santa Barbara influence you? Any particularly fun memories or favorite places you’d like to share?

Santa Barbara is really where my musical journey started; 1999-2000 was a pivotal year for me. I had moved back to S.B. during a quarter-life crisis, got my old stripping job back, and really started practicing guitar and writing songs. I went to tons of open mic nights downtown on State Street and met a bunch of local musicians who helped me a lot and became my friends. I gained a lot of experience playing music that year, and during that was when I decided that music was something that I really wanted to pursue.

As far as fun memories? All of college was fun: 1991-1995. I mean, living in Isla Vista on the beach and attending university at the most beautiful campus in the world was something I cherished and still do. Other than all of the partying I did, which was a lot, one of my favorite memories was coming home after class, getting my surfboard, putting on my wetsuit, and then riding my bike with my board under one arm down to Devereux Point to catch some waves before sunset. Those were magical times. Even when there were no waves or swells, sometimes I would go anyway and just sit on my board in the ocean, looking out at the horizon, feeling grateful for getting the opportunity to even be there. And Halloween on Del Playa. Duh.

Are you still writing music today, and do you have anything to share about your creative process or upcoming projects?

I am definitely still writing music! During COVID, I began learning how to produce my own music using DAWs (digital audio workstations). I built a home studio, and my drummer and I spent over a year laying down tracks of many songs that I never got a chance to record, and now I am mixing and mastering them and releasing them one at a time on Spotify and all of the other streaming sites. I released a new single on the same day as my book launch, and another in December, and I will be releasing another very soon.

My creative process differs. Sometimes I will hear a melody in my head and experiment with it on my guitar and then put lyrics to it. Sometimes a word or a phrase will come to me and I will write a melody around the lyrics. Sometimes I dream a song and write it down when I wake up. But honestly, mountain biking is when I get most of my ideas. I basically wrote my whole first album while mountain biking. There is something about being in nature and doing something that I love that sparks my creativity. I am thankful for smartphones, because now I can just stop on the trail and record what I’ve come up with so I can listen to it later when I get home. Before smartphones, I would basically just keep singing the tune in my head over and over until I got home and was able to record it into one of those clunky old tape recorders! It takes a very short amount of time for me to forget a melody I just thought of, so biking with my iPhone is a must!

What is the overall message you hope readers take away from your story?

I would like readers to take away that you should follow your dreams no matter what. They may not turn out the way you want them to, as in my case. Obviously, I am not a rich and famous rock ’n’ roll musician. But my crazy journey led me to writing this book, something I had never thought of doing while all this mayhem was happening in the moment. So, my initial dream led to another dream: being a published author! The book is really about failure with moments of great success along the way. Failure is essential for success, whether you get fired from three strip clubs, get booed off stage, or lose all your money recording an album with your band. Just endure. Endure.

For more information and to buy Rock ’n’ Pole, see aimeebushong.com. To listen to her music, find Aimee Bushong on Spotify.