Four additional former Dos Pueblos students filed a third lawsuit against Justin Sell (a former assistant football coach and security guard) and the Santa Barbara Unified School District. The suit accuses Sell of grooming and sexual abuse and Santa Barbara Unified School District of “extreme negligence” that “enabled the open sexual assault, harassment, molestation, and abuse” of the students.
In 2014 Sell was sentenced to one year of jail time for stalking and committing sex offenses against a 17-year-old student. In December 2023, a jury in a related lawsuit ruled that the district was 80 percent at fault for Sell’s grooming and sexual abuse of another student, and awarded the victim $25 million.
As a community, we must act now to protect our children from grooming and abuse, and the devastating long-term consequences. To ensure the safety, health, and well-being of our children, the district must enact robust abuse prevention policies. And parents and caregivers must empower their children to recognize and report the subtle patterns of grooming and the obvious behaviors of abuse.
I am a Santa Barbara physician and internationally recognized abuse prevention expert. I support youth, parents, and organizations to recognize, prevent, and respond compassionately and effectively to incidents of abuse.
While the individuals filing the lawsuit were in high school when they were abused, research indicates that children are most vulnerable to sexual abuse between the ages of 7 and 13. The median age for reported abuse is 9 years old. But more than 20 percent of sexually abused children are abused before age 8. Sadly, these statistics underreport the frequency sexual abuse, and do not take into account grooming or overt emotional and physical abuse.
Much as we would all like to believe that these incidents are rare, related to a specific individual, and in the past, statistics prove otherwise. The district must be proactive and implement robust abuse prevention procedures.
The district is ideally positioned to offer engaging, age-appropriate curricula to teach all students, parents, and school staff to recognize and report the early subtle signs of grooming and the more obvious behaviors of overt emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I have repeatedly offered the district superintendent and local school principals to provide students, parents, and staff free educational sessions. And I am happy to recommend other experts if they prefer.
Parents and caretakers can work with the district to implement comprehensive abuse prevention policies. And you can act now to protect your children. Educate yourself and empower your children to spot and stop abusive coaches, teachers, theater directors, religious leaders, romantic partners, and self-help influencers. See these free resources.
While you may feel uncomfortable discussing grooming and abuse with your children, a bit of preparation will help you to discuss this topic more confidently, even with young children. Proactive conversations are definitely more comfortable than the heartbreaking conversations you will need to have later if your child is abused.
Specifically, you can teach your children to recognize the early and extremely subtle signs of grooming, like those Sell used. Grooming is in and of itself a form of abuse, know as covert emotional abuse or coercive control, and it is also a gateway to overt emotional, physical and sexual abuse. The textbook signs of grooming include:
· making the victim feel special, including love bombing (giving your child special attention, gifts, rides home)
· sneakily cultivating “trust” with your child, you and the community (“You can trust me. I only want what’s best for you.”)
· playing on your child’s desires (desire to feel seen, understood, supported, cool “I am the only person who really knows how awesome you are.”)
· making promises (promises of love, of success in sports, school, or performing arts. “I am here for you. I will help you make your dreams come true.”)
· instilling fear and a sense of dependency (“You are nothing without me.”)
Abusers also often:
· distort a victim’s reality (“Your parents don’t understand you. They’ve never supported you.”)
· isolate victims from loved ones, supportive adults and concerned peers (“They don’t understand our relationship. They’re just trying to bring you down.”)
· compel victims to keep secrets and lie to protect the abuser (“If anyone asks, just say … ”)
Parents and caregivers: please act now to protect your child. Empower them to describe the specifics of all four types of abuse; consistently ask them about what they see and how they feel at school and during their extracurricular activities; believe them when they share concerns; and demand that your schools, sports organizations, and community groups enact robust preventive policies.
Together we can protect our children from abuse and the devastating psychological after-effects.