It’s Everywhere

Recent letters to the editor regarding the dangers of fluoride in our tap water have compelled me to sound the alarm about another substance invading our lives: dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO). It’s everywhere — yet public health officials and Angry Poodle remain suspiciously silent about its dangers.

Prolonged exposure to DHMO causes tissue damage, and inhalation — even in small amounts — is often fatal. Yet this menacing compound flows unchecked into homes and schools nationwide.

Even more troubling, DHMO is dangerously addictive. Humans have developed a dependency, with withdrawal symptoms occurring within days. Where are the warnings from Florida’s Surgeon General about this menace?

It’s time for action. We must ban DHMO before it’s too late. I urge readers to demand accountability and protection from this pervasive danger infiltrating every aspect of our lives.

Yours in hydrated horror…

Editor’s Note: At the risk of being killjoys, we note dihydrogen monoxide is sometimes known as H2O.