The people who once upon a time bestowed military commands, high civil offices, legions, and everything else, now restrains itself, and instead, eagerly hopes for just two things: bread and circuses.
Juvenal, Satire 10, c. 100 AD
A modern take on Juvenal’s quote might read, “We, the people, have given up our civic responsibilities, and all we want is something to eat, and something to amuse us: like chicken wings and football.” Which pretty much describes the state of things today. So I guess the same insight has been around for over 2,000 years. Sometimes it takes a satirist to figure this stuff out. In fact, Juvenal was the Jon Stewart of his time. Which means he only worked on Mondays.
Anyway — the circus is back in town. I had no idea that circuses still existed. But this one is here — and it was chosen by a majority of us. Of course this new circus has been updated. This one comes with:
High Wire Acts in which women are seen as sexual objects … I guess they forgot to update that last part. But this circus still has lots of Elephants — and it also has two Donkeys who have changed into Elephants. And they have Jugglers of Priorities, Ethics, and Portfolios. And Truth Swallowers. And a Lying Tamer.
And all of it is run by a hard-to-believe Ringmaster who holds a loyalty whip in one hand, a Big Mac in the other, and who always insists that he alone appears in the Center Ring.
In case you weren’t watching the latest Circus News that I’ve been watching — and the news we watch, and listen to, substantially determines our perception of what the “real” world is — this is what I recently saw on my news channel:
A Clown Car pulls up in front of the White House. A possible new Administration has arrived. These clowns get out of the car:
• A man who is being investigated by an ethics committee will be our Attorney General.
• A man who believes that vaccines are linked to autism will head Health and Human Services.
• A woman who supported a Kremlin claim that the U.S. was funding biological weapons in Ukraine will be Director of Intelligence.
What do we make of this? That you need someone who is under investigation so that he knows how to run an investigation? That science doesn’t matter when you’re making scientific decisions? That you can responsibly oversee an organization that you know nothing about? There must be some kind of common hidden link between these nominations because none of these people are qualified to … wait … more clowns are getting out of the car:
• A man whose campaigns for Governor have been significantly funded by gas and oil executives will be Secretary of Interior.
• A woman who is most famous for shooting her family dog will head Homeland Security.
• A man whose main claim to fame is co-hosting Fox and Friends on tv for the last 7 years will be Secretary of Defense.
Maybe the common link that these people share is that they are specifically not qualified for their jobs — because it’s obvious that they have no experience in … hold on, more clowns are getting out:
• A woman who held hearings which forced college presidents to resign because of protests on their campuses will be our Ambassador to the United Nations.
• A man who has consistently voted against clean air and clean water legislation will head the Environmental Protection Agency.
Of course it’s possible that the common link between all these people is that they have pledged loyalty to the Ringmaster. But that would mean, when they have to choose between supporting him or the Constitution, that they would decide to support … sorry, more clowns are coming out:
• Two more people get out of the car: the richest person in the world and an entrepreneur. They will both head the new Department of Government Efficiency. Because nothing says “efficiency” louder than having redundant leadership and creating yet another Federal Department.
I wonder what Juvenal would say about this circus. He’d probably choke on his bread.
More appointments are coming. Rumors have it that William Shatner will be named head of NASA, and that Judge Judy will be the January 6 Pardon Czar. And many believe that the next Secretary of Labor will be a real clown — Ronald McDonald — because of his fast-food experience (and the Ringmaster loves fast food). But no one knows who will emerge from the Clown Car next.
Except we do know that the appointment of one person in particular is simply inevitable. Utilizing his breadth of governmental knowledge, and his insight into human character, the Ringmaster will nominate …
Vladimir Putin as Prime Minister. Pass the chicken wings.