Yet Another Huge Fake Honor

I couldn’t be more proud. Official word from the Republican Party might be delayed, but for the sake of history, here’s pretty much how it all went down.

“Mr. Maher?” the woman on the phone asked. “Mr. Barry Maher? It’s my distinct pleasure to inform you that you’ve been nominated to serve on the Republican Presidential Committee.”

“Really? Are you sure? Is this because Pakistani TV called me a renowned royal expert.”

“What?”

“No, that wouldn’t make sense. But who nominated me? It wasn’t Donald Trump himself was it?”

“You know President Trump?” she asked reverently.

“We’ve never met. But we know of some of the same people.” This was true. I knew of Mike Pence for example. And I knew of Robert Mueller. And I once almost shook hands with Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s father. Trump must know of him too.

“The nomination came from the Republican Congressional Committee. I’m not sure who. The committee thought it would be invaluable if a key business leader like yourself would lend his name and agree to serve.”

“You know I never thought of myself as a key business leader,” I said.

“Well, that’s how we think of you here.”

“Wow. Could I get a quote on that to post on my website? Maybe from Trump or from Mike Pen . . . Well, I guess not Mike Pence. And not J.D. Vance, okay.”

“You can certainly put on your website that you’re a member of the Republican Presidential Committee. And there’ll be a press release announcing your appointment to your local paper. Best of all there’s no time commitment. And agreeing to serve will give you a chance to meet leading Republicans like Mike Johnson or Senator Ted Cruz.”

“So people actually want to meet Ted Cruz?”

“Who knows who you might meet? Perhaps even   . .” she let her voice trail off meaningfully.

“Rudy Giuliani?” I offered. “He put Four Seasons Landscaping on the map.”

“This would be a chance to give leading Republicans your thoughts on the issues that concern your business.”

“Like when I’m introduced on the radio or TV as Bill Maher? And that happens a lot. I’m not sure it’s always an accident. Can something be done about that?”

“I’m not sure. And most committee members are contributing between $500 to $1,000.”

“That seems cheap for a committee like this. Maybe you should stop mentioning Ted Cruz.”

“It’s not about the money so much as our need for your expertise”

“Of course. So if I can’t come up with a contribution just now, I can still lend my name to the cause, and be on the committee and meet leading Republicans, right?”

“We need your name and expertise AND the money.”

“Suppose though, as a key business leader and all, I just donate my expertise?”

“Are you a Democrat?” she asked suspiciously.

“Would the Republican Congressional Committee nominate a Democrat to serve on the Republican Presidential Committee?”

I probably shouldn’t have laughed. Because that’s when she hung up. I’m not sure how that might affect my status on the committee. But this is the second time I’ve been nominated. I expect I’ll hear from President Trump himself in the next couple of days. We key business leaders shouldn’t be wasting our time with subordinates anyway. I just hope the alternative isn’t Ted Cruz.

You can reach possible Republican Presidential Committeeman and former renowned royal expert Barry Maher and/or sign up for his occasional newsletter at www.barrymaher.com.