It was a warm Friday afternoon May 7, 2021, and I was rushed to Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital and then into an 8.5-hour emergency spinal surgery.
That afternoon, I had been bucked off a horse and the impact was crushing.
My L2 and L3 vertebrae had shattered, and nerve decompression was necessary.
I had lost my ability to walk, to stand, and to lift my arms above my head.
The surgery involved fusing parts of my spine together held with two titanium rods and eight screws. I was told I had only a 10 percent chance of walking again without surgery. If I did walk again, the prognosis was a one- to two-year recovery.
I decided this was not going to be my story.
I told my loved ones, my team, and my community that I would:
1) Walk out of the hospital,
2) Be off of narcotics,
3) And get myself to a pain threshold of four or less before leaving.
That’s exactly what I did only 14 days after I had been bucked off that horse.
The poet Rumi wrote: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
I believe we all have the ability to tap into our inner light and heal the wounded parts that keep us from walking forward regardless of what life may bring.
Medical science cannot always explain it.
For well over three years, I’ve simultaneously been the listening viewer as though watching from the seat of a movie theater while also being the main character experiencing the true-life story.
What a heroine’s journey this has been for me in ways that far surpass the physical healing.
In ancient Greece and in many other civilizations, the word for butterfly is “psyche” meaning “soul.” The butterfly’s brave transformation from caterpillar to chrysalis to winged creature symbolizes the journey of releasing old identities and ways of being. It is a rebirth, achieved through surrender and trust in the unfolding process.
That’s the metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly.
That’s been my journey.
There are times I write this story.
And there are times this story is writing me.
It is a choice. The perspective I choose shapes and colors this experience.
It is the openness to receive what the story actually wants to be that shapes and colors me.
What an adventure it is to be in co-partnership with this narrative.
I am the documentarian sharing what happens as a result of remaining open to all that this story brings.
The pain.
The miracles.
The joy.
Because of my rapid healing I returned to spinal surgeon Dr. Derek Moore who removed all the titanium hardware at my request. A few months later the package arrived from the hospital with every piece returned to me.
I had walked through darkness, through pain, and now I held in my hands these very precious objects that had kept my shattered spine together while I healed.
That’s when I asked my dear friend, Shani Clark, if she would work with me to create a piece of art incorporating the hardware. Being a non-professional artist, she nervously agreed and woke up the next morning with a vision of exactly what was to be created.
From concept, to design, to production the level of craftsmanship and care that Shani brought to this artistic endeavor is unparalleled. She took those screws and rods and fabricated a magnificent butterfly light sculpture we named Miracle.
It is a scientific fact that caterpillars are born with everything they need to become a butterfly.
We are too. As humans we are given a choice to optimize our cellular communication and higher consciousness. It’s rooted in how we accept all that is, and how we craft the story based on the perspective and meaning we assign to everything life brings.
There are many nuances and aspects to this experience, and I plan to write a book with the intention of giving others hope and inspiration in their own hero’s journey.
On October 18-19, Unite to Light, a Santa Barbara based nonprofit, is showcasing 40 artistic works “that celebrate the transformative power of light as an essential aspect of life and as a creative medium.”
Miracle, thisbutterfly light sculpture will be on display as a symbol and reminder that we can take our pain and turn it into something beautiful.
Nathan Vonk, owner of Sullivan Goss art gallery will be interviewing me for a discussion about what this experience was for me after which I will demonstrate how the light sculpture works through voice activation as I sing.
May we all remember the power of our inner light and let it shine.
For more information and to register: Unite to Light the Night, October 18, 6:30-9:30 p.m.; and October 19, 5-11 p.m. https://www.unitetolight.org/lightthenight.html#/
Jennifer Love is a wholistic wealth champion, money therapist, speaker, and voice-over artist @ JenniferLove.com.