Congratulating the 2024 Graduate: What to Say and How to Say It

This has not been a normal year for college students, full of uncertainty, anxiety, and disappointments. After the isolation of the pandemic, the class of 2024 began college with the Russian invasion of Ukraine, increasing political polarization in this country, and the daily influence of social media that amplifies worldwide tensions like never before. It’s not surprising that statistical reports highlight how many college students are struggling with mental health challenges.

To add to the stress an individual student might experience, there is turmoil on many campuses with increased hate speech, signs of racial bias, and anti-Semitic incidents. Pro-Palestinian protests on campuses across the country have interrupted the normal flow of class schedules. For reasons related to student safety, we see police intervention and a return to online classes. And now, citing security concerns for a rare decision, some universities are cancelling commencement. One can only assume how disappointing this is for the students, as well as their families, many of whom didn’t have a high school graduation.

For these reasons, among others, it behooves us to pay special attention to the 2024 graduates we know who have persevered through many challenges beyond the predictable challenges of transitioning from adolescence to young adulthood. It’s up to us to acknowledge this turning point in their lives as a really big deal.

It’s tempting to decide on an off-the shelf card or an e-card, but the recipient will feel valued and appreciated if you take the time and care to prepare and mail (or email) a personalized letter. Handwritten letters are more personal and more permanent than other forms of communication. Here are six tips for writing a congratulatory note:

1. Make It Personal: Offer a reminder about how you first met and mention any positive changes you’ve seen over the years. If you have a photo of an activity or event you shared, enclose it.
2. Be Specific: Give a specific example of something the graduate has done that was impressive. Mention why it meant something to you. 
3. Acknowledge the Tribe: Acknowledge what the parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, or a coach have done to contribute to the student’s success.
4. Note the Context: Place the graduation within the current social, political, and economic context in terms of the challenges he/she/they have overcome, and the opportunities that lie ahead.
5. Express: Express what it would mean to you to remain in touch with the graduate.
6. Toast: Close with what you hope or wish for the graduate as he/she/they move forward in life. Say something like, “We hope to share many more happy occasions with you. Congratulations, graduate!”

When delivering your toast in person at a graduation party (or even a toast offered via zoom), your delivery is crucial. Consider these three suggestions:

1. Make Eye Contact: If you can’t memorize your remarks and will read from notes, scan the text one line at a time, then say the words by looking directly at the graduate as often as you can. Eye contact conveys sincerity. If on zoom, look at the camera!
2. Be Brief: You’re not the only person who will want to offer a congratulatory toast. And don’t turn this into a roast! Be positive and complimentary.
3. Use Voice Variety to Emphasize Your Main Points: Highlight and underline the key words and use a “slash mark” to indicate where to pause for dramatic effect!

Prepare your key points in advance and don’t rely on your memory. Everyone will appreciate how thoughtfully and sincerely you expressed your congratulations, and you’ll have raised the bar for everyone who else!

To sum up, a commencement can be emotional in the most stable of times but that’s not now. Whether the graduate chooses a gap year, enters graduate school, or begins a job, commencement is a special occasion, a significant turning point in the graduate’s life that deserves our recognition.

Here is a toast that Lois will be delivering to the graduate in her life:

“Pablo, we’ve been gratified to be in touch with you over 19 years, sharing meals and discussing conundrums and dilemmas while hearing you share what you enjoy, the meaning of your friendships. We notice you’ve developed a very personal philosophy of life. You’ve studied hard and achieved academic success. We ‘get you,’ as we say these days, having seen you mature into a responsible person with serious interests in hiking the backcountry, nutrition, and cycling. We’ll never forget that you and your brother rode the ‘Wildflower Century Ride’ with Dennis. Today is another turning point in your life! As Nelson Mandala said, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” We hope to share many more happy occasions with you, whatever path you choose. Congratulations, graduate!”

Lois Phillips, PhD, is founding CEO of Antioch University Santa Barbara and founder of the Association for Women in Communications SB Chapter. Anita Perez Ferguson, PhD, is an award-winning author of the Mission Bells series. The above essay was adapted from “Congratulating the 2021 Graduate: What to Say and How to Say it” written by Phillips and Perez Ferguson published by the Santa Barbara Independent, June 3, 2021.