‘How Is Everybody Doing?’

Careful Listening to Foster Closer Connections

Credit: AmeriCantaro - stock.adobe.com

Last week, the red furry Sesame Street creature had a moment on social media. Elmo asked a simple, yet powerful question on Twitter, er I mean X. “Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing?” This elicited hundreds of thousands of responses, some simple and some profound. One thing was clear: we don’t ask this question enough. And when we do ask, do we really listen and care what the other person says?

In leadership, the simple act of asking, “How is everyone doing?” embodies the essence of effective and compassionate leadership. Much like Elmo’s genuine concern for those around him on Sesame Street, a leader who takes the time to inquire about the well-being of their team members demonstrates empathy, fosters trust, and builds stronger connections within the group.

In our fast-paced world filled with distractions, truly listening to others has become a rare skill. Whether at home, in the workplace, or within our personal relationships, effective listening is crucial for fostering understanding and building stronger connections. As we celebrate another Valentine’s Day, here are five simple yet powerful strategies to become a better listener and connect with those you are close to:

1) Minimize Distractions: In today’s digital age, it’s easy to get distracted by smartphones, emails, or internal thoughts while someone is speaking. Make a conscious effort to eliminate distractions by putting away electronic devices, finding a quiet environment, and clearing your mind of other concerns. Giving your undivided attention sends a powerful message of respect and importance to the speaker. In the book Peak Performance, authors Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness describe ‘the iPhone effect’. Simply having your smartphone in sight – even if it is off! – significantly diminishes the quality of your interaction.

2) Practice Active Listening: Active listening involves fully concentrating on what the speaker is saying, rather than passively hearing their words. Show genuine interest by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and providing verbal affirmations such as “I see” or “That makes sense.” Active listening also means to “read the room.” Is the best question to ask your kids as they are getting in the car, “How was school today?” It’s sort of like them asking you, “How were the 4 meetings you had today?” Instead, share something that made you laugh, surprised you, or reminded you of something else. Then ask, “What made you laugh today?”

3) Show Empathy and Understanding: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. When listening, strive to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and empathize with their emotions and experiences. Validate their feelings by acknowledging their perspective, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it. Offering empathy creates a safe space for open communication.

4) Avoid Interrupting or Judging: Interrupting someone mid-sentence or passing judgment on their thoughts can inhibit effective communication and damage relationships. Practice patience and self-control by allowing the speaker to express themselves fully before offering your input. Refrain from jumping to conclusions or making assumptions, and instead, seek clarification if needed. Cultivating a non-judgmental attitude fosters trust and encourages open dialogue.

5) Be Mindful of Nonverbal Cues: Communication is not just about words; nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice play a significant role in conveying meaning. Pay attention to these cues to better understand the speaker’s emotions and intentions. Avoid crossing your arms, fidgeting, or displaying disinterest, as these behaviors can signal a lack of engagement. By being mindful of nonverbal communication, you can deepen your understanding and connection with others.

So, when Elmo checks in and asks, “Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing?” and 200 million people view his tweet, the real magic was in his response to the tens of thousands of responses. “Wow! Elmo is glad he asked: Elmo learned that it is important to ask a friend how they are doing.” Most of the time we can’t fix what’s happening but just being there, listening, and connecting shows that we care when we ask, “How are you?” And you don’t even have to do it in the 3rd person like Elmo does!

Sara Caputo transforms how individuals, teams, and small businesses navigate workflow and increase workplace efficiency. Her work has been featured in Working Women, Success, and Forbes, as well as other national and regional publications. She can be reached at sara@saracaputoconsulting.com.