What’s in a Name?

The Audubon Society is renaming hundreds of birds. The changes include adding descriptions of birds reflecting their characteristics while also removing names of people who may represent immoral behavior — such as owning slaves. For example, the McCown Longspur is no longer named after the Confederate general — in 2020, it became the Thick-billed Longspur. (And all this time I thought “Longspur” was the general’s name.)

That being the criteria, these birders should change their own name — because John James Audubon was a slave owner. But there is strong resistance to any change. Maybe they just don’t want to redo all their official stationery. Even if that’s the case, they should at least change their logo from The Great Egret to The Hypocritical Crane.

Reading about changing names made me think that Barbarians should look at places in our town named after people and determine if there’s any reason to change their names. Here’s what I found:

The Arlington Theater was named for the Arlington Hotel which it replaced after our 1925 earthquake. The hotel was apparently named after Arlington House, home of Robert E. Lee. So — according to The Slave Owner’s Society’s rules – the name should be changed from referencing this person to a description of the actual place. Such as — Tall Pointy Theater? Starry Starry Night Theater? You Need to Buy A New Set of Marquee Letters Theater?

Leadbetter Beach and Park was named after Charles Leadbetter who, according to the website of Snoflo.org, was “a Santa Barbara pioneer who once owned the land.” The website also states “one of the most interesting facts about Leadbetter Park is that it was once home to a Chumash village.” I think that this particular transfer of land could be described with much more volatile words than “interesting.” How did this land — which used to be Chumash property — come into the possession of a pioneer? Almost any explanation would most likely encourage us to change the name.

Arroyo Burro is the official name of the very popular “off-leash” beach in our town. It translates as Donkey Stream. Since this is a horribly inadequate description of the Pacific Ocean, most people call the beach Hendry’s, inspired by the name of the Scottish immigrants William and Anne Hendry, who made money raising lima beans on their nearby farm in the 1880s. But they didn’t donate the land, they sold it. So let’s call this place what everybody in town thinks it is — Dog Beach.

Except for the sign at Dwight Murphy Ball Field, I had never heard of Dwight Murphy. In fact, because it was called a “Ball Field,” I thought there was a Santa Barbara connection to the Atlanta Braves — but that’s Dale Murphy — no relation. But every Barbarian should know Dwight Murphy — he was instrumental in rebuilding our city after the 1925 earthquake, from preserving coastal lands to rebuilding our downtown. And he never wanted his name on anything. But friends surprised him by naming this field for him. So I think we should keep the name of the field to honor the great Dale Murphy. I mean Dwight.

Alice Keck Park donated land to the city with the intention of creating a park. She was a daughter of William Keck, founder of Superior Oil Co., which installed the first offshore oil platforms in the Gulf of Mexico. And 1969 Barbarians know what that leads to — major oil disasters. Officially the land is named a Memorial Garden but everyone calls it a park — which makes its full name Alice Keck Park Park. Considering Alice’s oil connections and the odd redundancy of the name, perhaps a change is in order. Why not name the park after what everybody gets there? No — they don’t get high — this isn’t Itchycoo Park. It’s Alice Keck Park Park — people get married there. Call it Wedding Park.

Earl Warren Showgrounds was named for Earl Warren, the former governor of California. Whenever his name comes up, it makes me think about the Kennedy assassination — as in The Warren Report. Yep, same guy. And, due to the incompetence of Warren’s investigation, our country will be forever haunted by conspiracy theories. Anyway, does this place really need such a long name?

Why not just call it The Showgrounds?

Stearns Wharf was named for its builder, which I assumed meant that it was named for Mr. Wharf. But, in fact, it was named for John Peck Stearns, a lumberman, who built it in 1872. It is the longest, oldest working wood wharf in California. Wait a second. Stearns was a lumberman. And it’s a wood wharf. Do you think it occurred to Stearns that there was some money to be made there? Like so much money that maybe there’s an argument for changing the name? To something like Stearns Made A Fortune Off Us Wharf?

Finally there is the name of our town. The short story of Saint Barbara is that she converted to Catholicism and, after obtaining the proper permits, she had three windows put in her tower to celebrate the Holy Trinity. And, when her father found out, he had her beheaded. So, our name embodies the story of a filicide. But, both you and I know we’re not going to change our name — what would we do with all our old official stationery?