In the End, it’s all about Family, Friends & Memories

By Todd Shea
2023 President
Santa Barbara Association of Realtors

With the race to always be better, to push and grind, to constantly make changes. JUST FOCUS ON BUSINESS; you will be where you want to be. Add in some social pressures, social media where “everyone is doing so well and is successful,” and then throw in aging, pandemics, and the unknown.

I am offering a newly reminded perspective and an exercise that is very valuable for those of any age.

This weekend I attended a family funeral for our favorite uncle in Virginia. I am 47 and went with my brother, who is 44, and my parents, both now in their upper 70’s.  This phase of our lives for my brother and I is right in the middle of it all with work, kids, businesses, aging parents, etc. And my parents, both with successful careers behind them, now have friends and loved ones pass on and attend funerals more frequently.

At the funeral of our uncle, who was in his upper 80s, we were reminded of what people remember you by at the end. Uncle Wendell started and owned a multi-million dollar business, was super successful, and has now passed that business along to his son Mark. The whole company was there to support, and family and friends from across the country and even other countries attended. It was a fantastic celebration of life.

 A couple of things stood out for me about the event, as my family and I discussed for the remainder of the trip.

First was that those things talked about at the funeral were of course, quickly recognizing the successes, but more so the people that Wendell and the business had helped over the 50+ years the company has been in business. It was the stories of how Wendell and his wife went to dinner almost every night as they did not like to cook. And how they picked a family out at each restaurant, maybe one that looked like they were celebrating something, or one that looked tired and overwhelmed, or just ones that they connected with. They would ask the waiter for their bill and pay it, asking them not to let them know who did this. Amazing as this is already to spread kindness, my favorite part was how sometimes they had friends with them, and now they also do this from time to time.

I am looking to do this again myself. It’s not about the recognition, but rather about the thought. In this day and age of posting every accolade on a social media platform, this was a more old school way of acting truly out of the kindness of the heart.

The second was that everyone spoke about how Wendell would always make them laugh, how he always had a story. How he always made people feel special and gave them the time to be heard. In this day of a million distractions, and short attention spans, it was a great reminder to slow down, spend time with people, talk, make eye contact, and don’t rush. Of course, Wendell had a knack for being memorable; some people have that in spades, and this was Wendell. But we can always be more intentional and really try to see people, and go beyond the surface level that is so easy to stay at in day-to-day encounters. 

Lastly was that life is all about memories created, the things you do and experience, and those around you. No one talked about wow, he made this much money, he had this many followers, or anything material. But instead, the trips, the adventures, the stories, the things that brought Wendell and those around him joy.

I enjoyed this exercise they did at the funeral, and you can do this right now. Take a moment and close your eyes (Of course, after you finish reading, haha). Think of yourself at 95 years old. Family and friends surround you and are on your last few breaths. What are the conversations you are talking about with your family, and what guidance would you give the younger generations?

I always love being reminded of some basics and clarity on what matters most. I will leave you with a quote from Wendell.

“Every man (person) is the maker of his own fortune, and fortune comes in many ways.” – Wendell P.

Todd Shea is the 2023 president of the Santa Barbara Association of Realtors (SBAOR). He is a California licensed real estate agent with the Zia Group powered by eXp Realty here in Santa Barbara. He has served on and chaired several committees within the SBAOR and served on its board of directors. Todd can be reached at 805.453.7730 and todd@ziagroup.com or message and follow @toddshearealtor on Instagram.