The Meaning of Pride

Some may argue that things are better today for LGBTQ people than they were in the past. I know from my own experience how hard it was growing up gay in the ’80s, and to me things do feel better today — more tolerant and overall more accepting. But even today, even in California, and even here in Santa Barbara County, people are still bullied, demeaned, threatened, and harassed because of their gender identity and/or sexual orientation. We celebrate LGBTQ Pride as a way of counteracting the attacks and negativity that so many of us feel every day. LGBTQ Pride is a necessary antidote to the hate, bullying, and antagonism that is thrust upon LGBTQ people from an early age.

Among the public comments regarding the City of Goleta’s LGBTQ Pride Month Proclamation on June 6 was, “Shame on you … Shame on the Mayor and City Council for embracing extreme elements” and for “pandering to groomers.” Shame on us? Shame on us for standing up against hate, intolerance, and bigotry? Shame on us for acknowledging the dignity and humanity of our community members? Shame on us for working to create a community in which each and every one of us is valued?

It’s no surprise that the word “shame” is used against us. Shame is how LGBTQ people have been taught to feel — it’s how we’re expected to feel. We’ve been told to keep in the closet, to hide, to not flaunt it. We’ve been taught to feel that being LGBTQ is shameful, and that it ought to be kept secret.

Pride, on the other hand, is about standing tall to face those who believe that there is something to be ashamed of. Pride is about showing the courage to be true to oneself in the face of stereotypes and cultural messages that teach us distorted lessons that there’s something wrong about being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or gender nonconforming.

Well, there isn’t. There is nothing wrong about how we love, who we love, or how we choose to express our gender; and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

One word used to shame LGBTQ people today is “groomers” — implying that we are a threat to children. “Grooming” is simply a new word for an old and tired stereotype. It is based in fear and relies on a skewed assessment that LGBTQ people are perverted child molesters who seek to recruit and “indoctrinate” our youth. The real threat to children, on the other hand, is the perpetuation of hateful stereotypes that teach our youth to feel bad about themselves.

Some have called visible displays of support for the LGBTQ community “divisive.” I ask, How is calling for greater understanding and awareness about our neighbors divisive? In what way is it divisive to validate the personal worth and humanity of our community members?

As an elected official, I feel it is my responsibility to help foster togetherness in our community. I don’t represent just a portion of Goleta’s population; it is my responsibility to represent the entire community. But when one part of the community is being attacked, threatened by the burning of Pride flags, belittled by name-calling, and told to feel ashamed, then it is my job to stand up against such bullying.

And as a gay man, I feel it is my responsibility to be visible, to speak out against intolerance, and to show my Pride. It’s too bad that one person’s pride can feel so threatening and dangerous to another. Pride is about uplifting us all. My pride does not make others less proud. My goodness is not based on your badness. My strength does not make others weak. My sense of honor and dignity does not require another’s dishonor and shame. Pride is knowing that my self-worth does not ask me to look down on others. We all get to feel proud.

Pride means finding my voice, which does not mean silencing others’ voices. Pride is feeling good about myself, and knowing that that does not mean that you need to feel bad about yourself. Pride is knowing that we are all worth fighting for and believing that we all have a right to feel proud.

It is my hope that our community will reject division in favor of leadership that empowers, uplifts, and unites the community. I hope we can all feel proud to live in a community that welcomes and acknowledges our LGBTQ members and affirms their humanity. I know I am.