Betsy Kain Proves Her Work Isn’t Finished Yet

In the wake of the 1994 Rwandan Genocide, Betsy Kain unexpectedly found herself flying across the world to put her social work skills to use. Throughout nine trips to Rwanda, Kain became known as “Mama Cow” and the “Silverback,” nicknames she treasures as signs that she earned the local people’s respect. 

In 2011, the Independent named Kain and her husband David one of our Local Heroes for their nonprofit work to help Rwandans. With the help of teams in both the U.S. and Rwanda, Kain started Goats for Life, a nonprofit that provided families with goats for food, fertilizer, and economic benefits. Now in her eighties, Kain is no longer able to travel to Rwanda but she hopes to share her story to a wider audience with her new book, My Days of Sorrow and Joy in Rwanda.

Before her first trip to Rwanda in 2006, Kain worked in the U.S. with women who had suffered from abuse. This gave her the necessary experience to aid the genocide survivors, most of whom were women. But she soon realized that the trauma they endured was unlike any she’d seen before.

Her main strategy was simply to listen.

“[One priest told me] ‘I’m sick and tired of people coming to tell us we should forgive the people who have done this cruel, horrible thing,’” Kain said. “[My team had agreed that] we’re not telling them what to do. We didn’t go through this, we’re just there to see if we can help them deal with what’s happened.”

So, she worked with groups of genocide survivors who came voluntarily to receive therapeutic services. Kain taught breathwork, conducted tapping, and listened to stories of their trauma.

“I think that repetition was one way you just kind of work through it. You never really get through it, but it seemed to help,” she said. “It was necessary to put some of these stories in [the book] to understand why these people, these poor women were so traumatized, and yet how amazing it is that they were so resilient in spite of it.”

It was also important for Kain to emphasize in her book the joy just as much as the sorrow. She remembers many joyful times, such as her close friend Justin Bisengimana’s wedding, or the many times the entire community would dance to celebrate a new cow. She dedicated the book to Bisengimana, whom she describes as “the most remarkable human being I have ever met” and became like a son to her.

Three and a half years ago, Kain met Nancy Winter and told her of her experiences in Rwanda over the course of many dinners. 

“I realized how intriguing they [her stories] were and I thought she should write them down because someday you’ll forget them and it will be nice just to have a record of them, but also for her family,” Winter said. This balance of both sides of Kain’s experience led her friend Winter to suggest the title, My Days of Sorrow and Joy in Rwanda.

Kain is certain that she couldn’t have written the book without Winter’s support or that of the entire Samarkand retirement community where they both live. She said she hopes her book encourages readers to donate money and someday visit Rwanda themselves.

In a free public event, Kain will read excerpts from her book, sign copies, and tell more about her time in Rwanda on Tuesday, June 13 at 3:30 p.m. in the Mountain Room at Samarkand (2550 Treasure Dr). Afterwards, she will screen the 2005 historical drama Sometimes in April which follows a Hutu warrior’s quest to survive the genocide.
My Days of Sorrow and Joy in Rwanda is available for purchase at Chaucer’s Books.