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Comments by dolphinpod14

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Posted on April 18 at 5:06 a.m.

I think any of the cast from Monty Python (in drag) would be good. Terry Jones would be my choice.

On Who should play Huguette Clark in the newly announced movie?

Posted on April 18 at 4:41 a.m.

billclausen you'r more full of bull poo poo than a holding stall at a rodeo.

On Big Plans for the Big House

Posted on April 18 at 4:37 a.m.

I don't get upset about this. I don't let the pro-vaccine people get under my skin.

On Vaccination Considerations

Posted on April 17 at 9:26 p.m.

I think the two statues together is a good idea. After all, when you drink alot, at least a lotta beer, you have to pee a lot. That reminds me of a joke, "why does beer go through you so quicK?....because it doesnt have to change color"

On Big Plans for the Big House

Posted on April 17 at 8:10 p.m.

Neptune?...You're not the Capt of Neptune, you're the captain of your anus.

On Neptune Public Radio

Posted on April 16 at 8:22 p.m.

Who are these guys?

On <em>Love, Loss, and What I Wore</em>

Posted on April 16 at 8:18 p.m.

...and between Heinz's 57 varieties and Baskin-Robbins' 31 flavors, we have it all wrapped up.

On Santa Barbara Public Market Opens

Posted on April 16 at 8:06 p.m.

Yo Beachgirl, it's "Porcine-American", not "pig".

On Sheriff Fires Jail Guards Accused of Assaulting Inmate

Posted on April 16 at 8:03 p.m.

All joking aside, Parsons IS a good guy, and it was Bu**s**t the way he was let go.

On Morua Pleads Guilty to DUI and Fatal Hit-and-Run Charges

Posted on April 16 at 8 p.m.

"Who is a Peter Lance and what is the Newspress?"
John_Adams (anonymous profile)
April 16, 2014 at 3:51 p.m.

Peter Lance got his start as a reporter for Pravda, the official newspaper for Russia in the early 1970's. During this time he "outed" many "enemies of the state" forcing many of them to defect, among whom is goofy comedian Yakov "what a country" Smirinov.

Facing opposition for his commie activities after the fall of the Soviet Union, and suffering from a deep depression after the death of his close friend and former Soviet leader Yuri Andropov, he came to the U.S. Even though he has been in this country for 28 years, he still cannot communicate in English, other than being able to say the phrase "dat one". He writes his News-Press articles through a Google translator, but sometimes they don't always come out correctly. On one occasion, he meant to write "the City Council hearing has been postponed until April 3rd", but it came through the translator as "I frequent Moral Majority pot smoking meetings". When asked of why she hired him despite his Commie leanings, McCaw said "I want someone who isn't afraid to rub people the wrong way".

The News-Press itself is a part of the Vast Right Wing Conspiricy with secret headquarters in Lynchburg, Va. Its reporters attend a seminar thrice weekly at Liberty Baptist college (McCaw is deeply religious) where they learn that all people who support unions are Communists, and probably pray to the spirit of Saul Alinsky. After this, they are sent for further indoctrination to the Leona Helmsley school of sensitivity training, where they learn "Only the little people pay taxes".

McCaw herself is an enigma, and little is known of her background. This is because she is actually an android built at Texas Instruments laboratories. Among her accomplishments was firing the beloved Allan Parsons the day she took control of the News-Press, then, in a Stalinesque fashion, conducting periodic purges of her staff, even firing the "plant lady", whose services where no longer needed. (This part is actually true) Parsons was a good guy who everyone liked, and the day he was fired, women were weeping openly and men sat stunned. The newsroom that night was dead silent.

When asked how any person could demorlize a place the was she had, McCaw defended herself saying "Don't blame ME, talk to Texas Instruments, I'm just following orders from the Mother Ship".

On Morua Pleads Guilty to DUI and Fatal Hit-and-Run Charges

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