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Yahoo!We weren't trying to save the world. Let's face it: A hot beverage and warm brownies are token gestures, incapable of righting economic inequities or even staving off cold and hunger for more than an hour.
We only wanted one of those "shiny moments" that Oprah talks about, when you get to feel good for a second just by making someone else feel good.
Starshine Roshell
Is that so wrong?
It's a family ritual of ours. We bake treats, fill travel mugs with hot cider and pile into the car to tour the town's most dazzling holiday light displays. Last year, while stopped for gas, we noticed a homeless man. It was biting cold that night. And as we sat in our steamy sedan with the heater blasting and the radio blaring "Jingle Bell Rock," we felt sick to our stomachs — and not just from the syrupy cider and peppermint brownies congealing in our guts.
Here we were headed out to celebrate the frivolity of the season, the shallow glee of ooh-ing over twinkle-lit porches and inflatable snowmen grinning from immaculate lawns. And here was this guy hugging himself on a sidewalk to keep the shivers from setting in. We couldn't help feeling we were missing the point.
We poured the fella some cider, forked over our brownies and bid him a warm and comfortable Christmas — which may well have been pointless. But it felt good.
This year, we decided to do it again, only the guy wasn't at the gas station. We drove around looking for someone who could use a hot drink, a warm gesture and a plate of gooey holiday cheer. But we couldn't find anyone. Not at the train station, on the freeway offramps, in De la Guerra Plaza. We reluctantly asked parking lot attendants: "Um, where are all the homeless people?"
Frustrated at our inability to do a good deed, we began arguing. And I'm not proud of the way our bickering illustrated a deep disconnection with life beyond our cozy middle-class existence.
Losing patience, we broadened our recipient criteria. Did the person have to actually be homeless, or was it enough to just look poor? Or sad? Or, you know, unstylish?
"There's one! I'm pulling over." "No, that guy's listening to an iPod!" "Well ... everyone has an iPod these days, that doesn't mean he isn't hungry." "Come on, Dad, just give it to him, the cider's getting cold."
"There! That lady's just sitting on that bench." "That's a bus stop, honey. She's waiting for a bus." "Well, that can't be pleasant ..."
We were about to give up when we spotted him walking up State Street. A man in a hat and thin jacket, carrying a giant bag of ... something. Was it recyclables plucked from trash cans?
"Excuse me, sir?" my husband hollered out the window. "Would you like some hot cider and brownies?"
He approached our car and the quizzical look on his face convinced us we'd made a terrible mistake and that he was about to tell us, as nicely as possible, that he wasn't homeless and that his bag was filled with Christmas presents he had just purchased from Saks Fifth Avenue on an Amex Platinum card.
But no.
"The only problem," he said, "is that I don't have a cup."
"You do now," I said, handing him a travel mug.
"Oh, wow!" he said. "Really? Thanks a lot!"
It didn't change the world. We can't even claim to have learned much from the experience. But I'll say this: As far as shiny moments go, I'll take the gleam of a stranger's smile over a glowing lawn reindeer any day.
For more, visit StarshineRoshell.com.
Double-clicking on any word or phrase in this story will open a reference window with definitions and links to other reference material.
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Starshine,
One time last year, during the summer, I got off the exit on Mission and I saw a man literally with his hands clasped together, swaying in the wind, with now shoes, and in terrible shape. I rolled down my window and asked if he was OK.
He said he hadn't eaten in 4 days and was really down on his luck. He had a half a cup of coffee and he was literally praying to God out loud for help, for merciful help. His entire body shook, and I thought he might pass out.
I told him I would be back in 10 minutes with food and anything else I could find. I was literally in tears as he blessed me and thanked me, as I drove away.
I rushed home, made an entire loaf of french bread while my wife gathered a couple of extra pairs of shoes, 3 pairs of socks, a sweater, and fifty dollars cash. I also put several bottles of water. It was the bestest care package ever.
I thought I was literally serving Jesus. It reminded me of my brother who was homeless for 10 years, addicted to Crack. (He is better now, makes more $ than me!)
Anyway. There is some passage in the bible that says the beggar you deny is me (meaning Christ)
When I returned, nary 15 minutes had gone by, I had a box full of good food, warm clothing, money.
But my friend was gone. His half-empty coffee cup still in the place he once stood.
I parked, walked around looking for half an hour and never did find that fellow.
Maybe it was Christ giving me yet another test....
Merry Christmas.
tallsipowater (anonymous profile)
December 20, 2007 at 10:57 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Nice thought, tallslpowater, but it sure didn't sound like you were "back in 10 minutes" or even 6 times that, if you in fact "made an entire loaf of French bread"! Seems odd you say it took only 15 minutes.
Moral of that story (for all of us, not just you): not only have good intentions but do as and how you say you'll do. The guy probably would have preferred some immediate money and a ride somewhere else away from that fumed intersection, but....
It isn't easy knowing what to do, let alone doing it.
1066etal (anonymous profile)
December 21, 2007 at 9:04 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I often love your story telling and I agree with your opinions. In this case however, I feel there are two things to point out.
Homelessness in SB is a huge concern hence the 10 yr plan to end chronic homelessness, but unfortunately homeless people are in so many places...I run a lot and this year on very early morning runs I have found where many homeless people pitch their tents under bridges and in bushes. The de la guerra homeless younger fellows are evident to us but it is important for us to know there are efforts we can join and help in bringing about a solution not only by supporting programs but by demanding (to the board of supervisors and state) that money be provided for supportive services, to provide rehabilitation (since that will be much cheaper in the long run than repeatedly incarcerating the homeless).
Secondly and more importantly, is the motivation of doing things. Why do we have to wait until its Christmas weekend to lend some help? Just because it's the trend of the season? (Currently reading: Starving Jesus) and it seems to raise similar questions.
Regardless, Happy Holidays.
osum21 (anonymous profile)
December 21, 2007 at 12:01 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Nice column, Starshine. I think you've started a great family tradition. If you can't find anyone next year, please stop by. I like cider and brownies ... a lot :)
Trekking_Left (anonymous profile)
December 21, 2007 at 2:44 p.m. (Suggest removal)
To answer Tallsipowater the verse you might be thinking of is: "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Matthew 25:40 (King James Version)
To answer Starshine: It doesn't matter what the status is of the person you did this for. The point is, you did a good thing. Besides that, sometimes the most needy (spiritually) are those who seemingly have everything so again, you did a good thing.
billclausen (anonymous profile)
December 21, 2007 at 3:37 p.m. (Suggest removal)
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