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Let It Go? We’re Trying

You Say ‘Hoarder’ Like It’s a Bad Thing


Wednesday, July 30, 2014
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It’s the parental fear that no generation before ours has yet grappled with: the terror that our children will grow up to be on a reality show. My particular dread? I’m raising a prime-time “hoarder.”

Never one to pass a rock without dropping it in his pocket, my youngest child weeps and wails if I throw out a year-old, splay-bristled, paste-encrusted toothbrush. He has Valentine’s candy from 2011 crammed into keepsake boxes in his tchotchke-stocked bedroom.

Starshine Roshell

And last weekend, the boy refused to relinquish a pair of skate shoes whose canvas had torn away from the rubber soles up front, exposing his toes as he walked and flapping open like a chatty cartoon mouth. Even my grandmother, raised on scraps in the Oklahoma dust bowl, would call them “hobo shoes.” Though he left the shoe store with two new pairs, he wouldn’t — couldn’t — throw the old ones in the trash. So I did.

“It’s just …” he started, “I have a lot of good memories with those shoes.” Perfect, I reasoned. Then you don’t need the actual shoes. And memories don’t take up room in the closet.

It’s a constant battle: His sentimentality versus my efficiency. He has collections and mementos; I have goals and checklists. He loves to reminisce and savor the past while I strive to produce and stay ahead of the clock.

I know what you’re thinking. He sounds like a much more pleasant person to be around — and he absolutely is. In fact, as the youngest in our family, it may well be his job to dig in his heels and slow us all down a bit.

But as the Roshells’ trusty rudder, my job is to steer us toward our future and make sure we’re all ready for what’s next — whatever that may be. And it turns out what’s next is a fancy backyard.

I decided that after years of being ransacked by hooligans, it was time to convert our yard from a wild play zone (think parched lawn littered with bent hula hoops) into a sophisticated retreat (picture a copper fire pit, charming herb garden, and twinkle-lit pergola). That meant bidding adieu to the gargantuan wooden play structure that my boys had swung on, climbed up, and slid down for a dozen years — but that was now merely collecting cobwebs and blocking out the sun that my future parsley pots would surely require.

Naturally, my pack-rat progeny did not take the news well. There were tears. And hugs. And talk of letting go and moving forward. We found a family that was thrilled to dissemble the creaky beast and take it home to their own toddler.

On the day they stood in our backyard dismantling the rock wall and picnic table, and unscrewing the custom ship’s helm and trap door that my husband had added, I went busily about my chop-chop checklists: coiling hoses, serving water, sweeping up debris. On a whim (blast it — even my whims are productive!), I snapped a photo of the razed plaything and texted it with a final “thank you” to all the family members who had helped us buy it back when the millennium was still new.

And as I hit “Send,” a flood of nostalgia hijacked me. Tears sprang from my eyes and spilled down my face toward my quivering chin. I stumbled over to my son. “It’s just …” I sniffled, “I have a lot of good memories of that play set.” He hugged me as I sobbed, and we both stared in shock at the huge hole in our yard, an emptiness lit by bright sunlight.

When we were done gaping, and weeping, I went out to the side yard, plucked my kid’s hobo shoes from the garbage can and tucked them quietly back into his cluttered closet.

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Independent Discussion Guidelines

Material things can be taken from you, memories cannot be taken from you.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
July 30, 2014 at 5:41 a.m. (Suggest removal)

great column and very thoughtful; I recall when my then-167yr old son gave up competitive lacrosse, I still have his long defenseman's lacrosse stick... forget Sealion's rant, he's quite worried about "feminazis", although how it could possibly pertain to this column... maybe dolphin14, a fellow sea creature, can understand HIM....

DrDan (anonymous profile)
August 3, 2014 at 11:41 p.m. (Suggest removal)

uh, my then 17 year old son...bad typo, but dolphin will enjoy it

DrDan (anonymous profile)
August 3, 2014 at 11:42 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Well, it wasnt a typo, Ive been saying for a long time that you are VERY old Dan, and you just well..."outed" yourself.

Dr. J. Danforth Plattdeutch was born on June, 4, 1811 in Alligators Tail, Arkansas, and I think you need to know that, Sealion.

My interpretation of Sealion's rant is that he's saying that he's angry about the drought, and the waste of water by local consumers, and probably favors alternative measures such as aquifer and desalination measures. I'm also thinking that he is not in support of Southern California's tapping into Northern California's water sources.

That's just my opinion.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 2:48 a.m. (Suggest removal)

In your case Dan, (is it ok if I call you "Dan" as opposed to "Dr. Dan"?) maybe you ARE talking about your 17 year old son, but that would be 17 years Centigrade.

Ken made reference to Jerry Brown being 167 years old on the Chumash story, so why not?

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 3:02 a.m. (Suggest removal)

SOrry, I meant to say 164 years old.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 3:02 a.m. (Suggest removal)

first, I always speak HOCH Deutsch, none of that bogus Plattdeutsch that only the lumpen mutter in their bad dreams. And, yeah, the "DrDan" was always a joke to my friends.
I still can't get's Sealion's point? What in this interesting column has to do with "preparing them [her sons] to be beaten down all their lives as male 'oppressors' ..."? With 4 sisters, a wonderful spouse of many decades (almost 164 years, yes), powerful mother, working in a largely female environment...I only have admiration and respect for American women and women in general. What's the problem there, Sealion? If, an example, a Turkish guy is cruel to me, I don't generalize that all those Turks are SOBs! Grow up a little; the ladies include the good,the bad, and the interesting.

DrDan (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 3:50 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealion may be a self-hating woman!

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 5:20 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealion, you're proudly anti-grammar as well as women apparently. In the end you're the one who's whipped with your "Oh I'm a victim of feminazis" bs. You're oppressing yourself, at this point I doubt any women wants responsibility for you!
The problem is in you, not the world!

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 10:46 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Wow, seems like somebody has been rejected many times in life. He now sits in his parents basement, degrading women and the men who support them. One can ever respect a person (sealion) who looks down on women. Maybe you should find a man for your needs!

onlytime211 (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 2:35 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Correction *never*.

onlytime211 (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 3 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealion, perhaps if you tried cleaning your pipes, ( best with a willing partner) your outlook on women would improve.

If you can get her toes to curl on a regular basis, you might have the dominant relationship you crave.

lawdy (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 6:43 p.m. (Suggest removal)

loonpt (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 9:13 p.m. (Suggest removal)

What does any of that have to do with the content of Roshell's article? Zilch unless you want to illustrate someone who hoards links!
Why even bother?

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 9:23 p.m. (Suggest removal)

you poor guy, Sealion, was a misanthropic life you must lead, lawdy's got the best advice, clear your pipes, brother.
Seriously, being full of hate like this isn't good for you or those around you.
One point you make, "[women] are given superior rights with no obligation (eg the Draft)" -- is demonstrably false. First, we have no draft. Second, when we did (good friends drafted then killed in 'Nam) it was old white men running the gov't and doing the drafting! It was MEN, like idiot Bush and Cheney etc., who led us into Iraq, etc. Get off your soapbox. Sure, there are plenty of stupid and foolish women, so what??

DrDan (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 9:35 p.m. (Suggest removal)

A sealion
online
and a pig in the bed
is it any surprise
that empty is his head.

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 9:45 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Give it a rest, take some meds or something.

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 10:21 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealion: I agree with you about faux-liberal politics and the anti-male bias found there, and I've commented on it as well. Academia is rife with anti-male attitudes as well, but seriously, let it go, you've made your point.

If you keep this up you're going to implode from hatred.

billclausen (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 10:33 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Volok, this what happens when you feed trolls. They are like goldfish, they eat until they explode.

Herschel_Greenspan (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 10:34 p.m. (Suggest removal)

None of this has anything to do with Roshell's article, which is about hoarding!

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 10:37 p.m. (Suggest removal)

billclausen is a poster that rarely sees a kooky idea that does not agree with until he realizes that he has been had.

Herschel_Greenspan (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 10:47 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Ken this is just some blowback from her last column, it's not a big deal. I wish sealion didn't seem so hateful either, but I can understand how he may have became that way and why he may feel so strongly about what he feels.

Obviously I posted the links as it was the topic of discussion and I didn't want to bump the discussion from her last article when we already had this one going. I really like most of Starshine's columns, in fact this one made me quite emotional as well. I think she is slightly misguided on that last column she wrote, but I also understand where she is coming from and her fears and I don't fault her for it too much. In fact, I think both sides could learn from each other and come to some civil agreements if they'd both listen better and see that they really don't disagree as much as they think. In fact, that's precisely why I posted those links.

loonpt (anonymous profile)
August 5, 2014 at 12:15 a.m. (Suggest removal)

I guess I just don't understand hatred period. I'm not sure I care to.

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 5, 2014 at 12:29 a.m. (Suggest removal)

There once was a creature named Sealion.
He wanted to go and see Ryan.
Ryan Seacrest, he said to in jest,
I can...

I cant figure out a way to end this limerick.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 5, 2014 at 5:44 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Volok, this what happens when you feed trolls. They are like goldfish, they eat until they explode.
Herschel_Greenspan (anonymous profile)
August 4, 2014 at 10:34 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Agree, HG. There's a point where "feeding trolls" may equate to becoming one, IMO. Not sure why anyone would want to engage (repeatedly) with someone who is so demonstrably crazy and who may be (quite literally) getting off on the attention.

zappa (anonymous profile)
August 5, 2014 at 7:43 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Speaking of hoarding, if anybody needs analog stereo and video equipment, cables and plugs- hit me up.

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 5, 2014 at 9:43 a.m. (Suggest removal)

hey, along with BC, what good company: "Volok, Dr D, Greenspan" -- thanks Sealion.

DrDan (anonymous profile)
August 5, 2014 at 10:30 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Here's what it all comes down to Sealion: We're all flawed human beings with our lives of quiet desperation, mitigated by those things which bring us peace of mind. Starshine isn't perfect, I've had head clashes with her in the past, but we've always fought cleanly and kept it a fair fight. She's traveling through this life like anyone else, like you, like Ken, like myself, and it's curious that since the issue comes down to sexuality, Dan is a long-time (about 45 years) happily married man, Ken was happily in a relationship with his partner George, until George's death last year, and no doubt Ken is dealing with the one-year anniversary nightmare of George's death--hang in there Ken--I went through it with losing my parents--with whom I was very close--and myself, a heterosexual single male admittedly worn down by life to the point where I'm so much in survival mode that I almost never think about the opposite sex in a desirous way.

Yep, we've all had our tragedies, and high points. Starshine is simply sharing her observations, warts and all, with us, a cyber-version of the 1970's encounter group school of psychology, and we're all participants in this game.

As I've said before, I'm no fan of politicized feminism--which I put on the same level of hypocrisy as Al Sharpton, and the "La Raza" mentality--apostate forms of civil rights. The reality is, all of us have suffered some form of racism or sexism, and we can choose to let it consume us, or deal with it by pointing it out, and not getting upset at what others think of us.

Soon enough we'll be pushing up the daisies, and in the words of George Harrison "Nothing in this life that I've been trying, can equal or surpass the art of dying". Better to raise your spiritual game and not sweat the small stuff.

billclausen (anonymous profile)
August 6, 2014 at 4:51 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealion, I have told you to stop chasing after humans and return to you fellow sea creatures. Do you know that ships are killing whales in the Santa Barbara channel? Do you not care but one iota about this? You don't need women, they are full of heartache and disease, just like their male counterparts. Oceans make up 70% of the earths surface, so why do U obsess with a mere one third which soon enough, will become even less as the oceans rise?

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 6, 2014 at 6:05 p.m. (Suggest removal)

will you be fair, Sealion, & accept there there are also plenty of "ugly gender BIGOTs" (male )" ?? Women today get about 80% of their male counterparts in equal-work situations... paternalism ain't dead. Of course there are some "feminazis" as you call them (an ugly term in itself), but why generalize that issue as "all women"? Hardly fair, dude.
Listen to Clausen above when he writes "Starshine isn't perfect, I've had head clashes with her in the past, but we've always fought cleanly and kept it a fair fight. She's traveling through this life like anyone else, like you, like Ken, like myself, and it's curious that since the issue comes down to sexuality, Dan is a long-time (about 45 years) happily married man, Ken was happily in a relationship with his partner George..." Why just hammer one gender all the time??

DavyBrown (anonymous profile)
August 6, 2014 at 11:22 p.m. (Suggest removal)

sorry Sealion, your statement is ridiculous: "so that you can stop with the chivalry for hate mongering anti-male fascists already." I don't need "to gird for battle against a very fiendish foe" -- no fear here, brother. See a therapist, please

DavyBrown (anonymous profile)
August 7, 2014 at 9:52 a.m. (Suggest removal)

"Davy dear" Hmm. I'll bet Dr.Dan wouldn't be so easy on you, Sealion.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 7, 2014 at 7:59 p.m. (Suggest removal)

I guess we're hoarding insults on this thread.

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 7, 2014 at 8 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Elliot Rodgers had a narcissistic personality disorder.
Sealion is a misogynist.
There's a big difference.

14noscams (anonymous profile)
August 7, 2014 at 8:35 p.m. (Suggest removal)

can't refuse this offer; as a real man, married so long, yeah Sealion I've "got to have something hard to offer before he'll [I'll] be hard on anyone" and being HARD...well, guess at other moments one has to hoard the hardness in order to satisfy anyone socially as well as psychologically (& even sexually, nicht Wahr?).
But seriously, dp14 has given you terrific advice: "to stop chasing after humans" esp such focus on one gender... Look at me, I'm enraged at the Hamas LEADERS and the Israeli LEADERS for bringing their people, esp. WOMEN and children, into such hell and death... these leaders are all male, dude. I think Davy Brown went easy on you. Why do you have so much FEAR, which obviously underlies your easy-to-spot hatred?? Davy is correct, consider a therapist. You have consigned most of one gender into a "I hate them position" -- the point is that this atittitude is horrible for you, as well as plainly irrational.

DrDan (anonymous profile)
August 7, 2014 at 9:08 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Starshine, starfish,
Sealion, Garfish,
DavyBrown, backing down,
miscreants blogging, all around.

Herschel Greenspan, thinks Bill had been had,
Dr.Dan, finds this rather sad.
Our friend Ken, holding back,
but then again, he might attack.

Dr.Dan, though very old,
unlike Davy, is very bold.
Starshine writes,
and watches the fights,
that these summer nights,
continue to unfold.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 3:05 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Hey, I never backed down from man nor WOMAN, which oughta make Sealion proud.

DavyBrown (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 4:03 a.m. (Suggest removal)

enough of your whining and slimy sh!t, Sealion, grow up and STFU. Obviously, you're OWNED by some women and all you can do is whine on these threads.

DavyBrown (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 9:41 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Speaking of being "owned" by women.

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/local/...

loonpt (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 10:37 a.m. (Suggest removal)

@Sealion: "Daddy Justice and his 'whining' kind are mountainous men who make you look like a mere tadpole swimming around in your favorite Estrogen Sewer (fed by the feminist toilet of course). "

Dude, Estrogen Sewer is, like, totally my favorite riot girl rock band. I have all of their albums.

BTW - even for the internet, you're bringing way too much stupid. It's just stupid post after stupid post. And I don't know if you know this, but everyone can read your stupid posts and is judging you accordingly - because, you know, of all of the stupid, which really is a 'wow' amount of stupid. That's what you bring to the internet - a 'wow' amount of stupid.

In fact, if you had a wife or a girlfriend, she'd be forced to wear an 'I'm with the wow amount of stupid' t-shirt. Or at least, she should be forced to wear it, just to warn everyone of the stupid you bring. It's only fair.

EatTheRich (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 12:16 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Today we're hoarding resentments.

Ken_Volok (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 12:16 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Davy Brown is getting mad,
Sealion now has been had,
if I were Sealion, I'd back down,
having unleashed the anger of Davy Brown.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 2:55 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Of the sealion it is written "observed along the beach at 10-15 m (33-49 ft.) intervals.
Males establish territories by incessant barking, chest-to-chest pushing, grappling, and biting. Fights may result in injury, but are rarely fatal."
http://seaworld.org/en/animal-info/an...

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 3:01 p.m. (Suggest removal)

But Sealion, the shark is our mutual enemy. We have to BACK EACH OTHER.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 6:42 p.m. (Suggest removal)

@Sealion: "You wouldn't know stupid if it jumped up and bit you on the nose."

Dude! A stupid "sealion" once tried to bite me on the nose!

Was that stupid *you* attempting to infect me with your stupid!!?!

Nice try! But I'm too wise for you and your stupid! (In many ways, apparently, given that you are so, so stupid.)

EatTheRich (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 8:55 p.m. (Suggest removal)

dp-back away.

Sealion (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 9:15 p.m

OK, I will, but if you want me to jump in and help you, you know where to find me.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 2:36 a.m. (Suggest removal)


"PoorTheEater-nuff already. You've been bitten so many times on the nose by so many kinds of stupid that you probably lost your nose ages ago. In any case, we sea lions don't bother biting noses since we ain't stupid, since stupid tastes terrible, and since snotty kid cartilage a bad breakfast makes.

dp-back away."

Sealion (anonymous profile)
August 8, 2014 at 9:15 p.m

I am NOT getting into the middle of this.

billclausen (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 2:46 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealions, cannibals, and dolphins...no, I'm staying out of this.

billclausen (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 2:47 a.m. (Suggest removal)

so am I, BC, swimming with dolphins is bad enough!

DrDan (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 6:24 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealion: In addition to the dolphins backing you, (and I hear some of them are young females) I've always said that I'm no fan of organized feminism, but I don't spend any more time thinking about them than I have to, just like I don't waste time thinking about Al Sharpton, Rush Limbaugh, Sonia Sotamayor, or anyone else I find unpleasant. You on the other hand, obsess about feminism.

If I were inclined to be nasty--like some of the bloggers you've gone head-to-head with, I'd tell you to "jump in the lake", but since I don't give vent to such nastiness, I won't, and furthermore, since you're a salt-water creature, that would be foolish of me anyone.

billclausen (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 2:59 p.m. (Suggest removal)

"Anyhow".

billclausen (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 3:06 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Sealion, as I sit here, cogitating over whether the singer fits your category of gender bigot, I nonetheless entreat you, as well as the feminized men such as bc, Dr.D, mistir V, and others, to take a gander, and a listen to this 1982 classic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UX2a...

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 3:33 p.m. (Suggest removal)

A "gander" or even "a gender". Take a gender, or assign yourself a gender.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 3:34 p.m. (Suggest removal)

I guess this would be the opposite of the first one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLa8j...

On which side do you guys stand?

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 3:45 p.m. (Suggest removal)

And more, for your entertainment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFZ3c...

I will sign off now, and wait for my medication to take effect.

dolphinpod14 (anonymous profile)
August 9, 2014 at 3:50 p.m. (Suggest removal)

So...I guess Sealion got banned?

equus_posteriori (anonymous profile)
August 28, 2014 at 10:18 a.m. (Suggest removal)

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