WEATHER »

Can’t Find the Right Person?

Ten Strategic Maneuvers That May Help


Monday, October 21, 2013

For the most part, single human beings are always in search of their mate, their other half, their better half, their soul mate, or whatever they call that special person. No matter what age, people complain of not being able to find what they’re looking for. Lots of reasons are given: No one wants to commit, people have trust issues, and/or past experiences prevent them from being capable of real intimacy.

Silvia Uribe

BS! The fact of the matter is that although it is true that most people carry some baggage, it is also true that when we fall in love, nothing else matters. We let go of our fears, like a child lets a balloon go, and much like him, we watch them disappear slowly in the distance. Most of us, eventually, are willing to let our guard down with the right person. But the question here is how to find this person and keep his or her interest?

If we keep asking this question, it means that some changes in our strategy are needed. Yes, change, just like we switch a book that’s not worth reading or a TV show that’s boring. Perhaps it is our internal dialogue that needs to change and be more upbeat, more optimistic, looking more at the positive traits we have, instead of fixating on the things we don’t. Or, maybe we know we should let go of some obstructive attitude habits, but we have not come to terms with them.

So, if change is the key word, allow me to provide some strategy maneuvers to consider:

Look around and take a chance. Maybe there’s already someone who knows how amazing you are, but you haven’t noticed. It may be that unconditional friend, or that coworker who always laughs at your jokes, or a person that you always thought would never pay attention to you in a romantic way, but when you talk, he/she listens attentively. Or, it may be that person who may not look so interesting to you, but you have never given him or her a chance.

Bars and places of the sort are fun but not the best place to meet our soul mate. If you want a serious relationship, start looking elsewhere.

Do not beg for attention. We should never undermine our dignity. The more we do it, the further he or she will get from us. (This is a fact of life.)

Don’t waste your time. If the person cannot give you what you want (attention, love, loyalty, etc.) put an end to the relationship as soon as you realize it, as opposed to try fixing it. Invest your time, instead, in finding the right one.

Looks should be important … but only to you. When you like someone, it should not matter what other people say. If they don’t like him or her, they can look the other way.

Being flirtatious is a good skill to have, but holding your ground is also crucial. Don’t sell out too soon or with just anyone.

Aim in your own favor. Never betray a friend by going after his or her love interest, or after someone who’s otherwise taken. There are tons of men and women out there who are very single. They are, just like you, looking for the right person to fall in love with.

Being a drama queen or king is risky. Drama is great for plays and movies but not so much in real life. It gets old pretty quickly, and people get tired of it.

Don’t attempt to control others. Control of your emotions, your reactions, and your thoughts is the ultimate success one can achieve. However, trying to have control over others only makes our insecurities (yes, we all have them) obvious.

Be natural, and don’t have expectations. For a change, be yourself, enjoy the ride, and let the chips fall where they may.

There’s always someone for everyone.

Related Links

Billy Collins & Aimee Mann

Presented by UCSB Arts & Lectures, Former U.S. Poet Laureate ... Read More