WHERE’S MINE? There are about 518,000 good reasons to be outraged by the ungodly sums of money now being spent on the City Council elections. What most chaps my hindquarters is that I’m not getting any. The way I figure, if Texas billionaire Randall Van Wolfswinkel keeps spending at his current pace and Santa Barbara voters show up — or don’t — at their customary rate, he’ll spend about $45 per voter. Why not eliminate the middle man? Just send us all checks. It’s more direct, and we could all use the dough. If not that, what about those old-fashioned political pot-holders? Unlike TV ads, they actually serve a function. Perhaps if Van Wolfswinkel is half as exercised about gang-bangers and panhandlers as his ads indicate, he should spend his money buying them off instead. With the kind of cheese he’s spreading around, I’m sure some kind of accommodation could be reached.
Angry Poodle
For those tuning in late, Van Wolfswinkel — the proud graduate of Santa Barbara High School who made a fortune building subdivisions in Texas — became suddenly and mysteriously obsessed with giving City Hall a massive political facelift. Liberals out; conservatives in. Accordingly, he formed his own political action committee, Preserve Our Santa Barbara, registered to an address on Wilshire Boulevard. Since then, he’s been spending cash in quantities that would choke the entire equine population of Santa Barbara County. Directing this onslaught is a marquee firm of political hacks out of Sacramento, Santa Barbara’s apparently not being mean or cynical enough. They, in turn, have been assisted by an untreated anger-management case — a quasi-transplant from San Luis Obispo — who’d have a serious bone to pick with City Hall if he could get it out of his throat. Adding to the Twilight Zone effect is the name itself — Van Wolfswinkel. As one self-described hobo correspondent wrote me, “Beware of winking wolves."
To date, Randall has spent in excess of $518,000 on behalf of his slate of candidates: Dale Francisco for mayor, and Michael Self, Frank Hotchkiss, and Cathie McCammon for council. Without Van Wolfie’s largesse, there would be little gas in the tank for Measure B, the ballot initiative that would lower the maximum building heights in Santa Barbara to such an extent that anyone taller than six feet will become a walking zone violation. By next Tuesday — Election Day — Van Wolfswinkel will have dropped a cool $700,000 as a down payment for a new council majority. By comparison, the Santa Barbara Police Officers Association (POA) — the heaviest of hitters in most community campaigns — will spend about $60,000. (This has been a bad year for the cops. First, the only candidate they really cared about — mayoral contender Iya Falcone — dropped out early. Then, they endorsed two council candidates on the Van Wolfswinkel ticket. Michael Self — the anti bulb-out activist — insisted during a radio interview last week that the union that endorsed her was not really a union at all, nor did it bargain contracts, wages, or benefits with City Hall. In fact, the POA is by far the single most powerful union in the city, and contract negotiations between City Hall and the POA have emerged as a high-profile, high-stake, gladiator-style contact sport. That’s something a candidate should know. They also endorsed Frank Hotchkiss, whom blogger Craig Smith dubbed the “Get-Off-My-Lawn” candidate, referring to how Hotchkiss forced his next-door neighbor, Marymount, to shut down the school’s basketball courts to weekend warriors. Hotchkiss said the players came from outside the neighborhood, cussed, played loud music, and left broken glass in their wake. People involved with the school at the time, however, insisted that happened only once, and that most of the dispossessed were neighborhood kids. Some people have objected that Randall’s ads are poisonous, toxic, noxious, unfair, misleading, and deceitful. What I find offensive is their utter artlessness. Isn’t Santa Barbara renowned for its fussy aesthetic standards? Van Wolfie’s hit pieces are drearily generic, designed to work anywhere, anytime. If you’re going to trash someone’s reputation, it should at least be personal.
What bugs is Van Wolfie’s total lack of accountability. If he wants to rearrange the furniture on which we’re now perched, fine. But it would be neighborly if he discussed it with us. But he’s just another billionaire who thinks he’s the Wizard of Oz. He doesn’t talk to anyone, least of all reporters; he doesn’t return phone calls. He doesn’t answer questions. Instead, he remains comfortably above the fray he started. Van Wolfie’s one and only contact with the S.B. press was with Daily Sound columnist Cheri Rae in what appeared to be a well-manicured email Q&A. It was like diving into a sea of cotton candy. In it, Van Wolfswinkel explained he was just a humble, hardworking man lucky enough to make a few billion building subdivisions in Texas and who wanted to save his beloved hometown from being plundered by people just like himself. “We should all treat Santa Barbara almost like a national park,” he stated. That’s where he’s dead wrong. We are not a national park. Or a museum piece. Or a monument. Or a mausoleum. Or a waxed apple, for that matter. We’re a living, breathing city. A small one, yes, but a city nonetheless. And not a small town, either. We sport one of the best universities and best city colleges in the state, an airport, a harbor, a pocketful of billionaires, three serious performing arts theaters, a regional shopping mall, and some of the best tacos north of the border. People like Van Wolfswinkel — and the whole well-meaning crowd supporting Measure B — would like to keep Santa Barbara the way it was, only more so. I sympathize. But municipal mummification is not the answer. We are not dead yet. Do not go quietly into Van Wolfswinkel’s good night; we still have asses to kick before we sleep. And the first one, I’d say, should be Randall’s.
In the meantime, don’t be stupid. Vote!
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Van Wolfie’s meddling reminds me of that Soros guy.
I'd love to see the day that public servants don't make a career of politics, and that they campaign from an even board. It would be a good test of their money management skills if all candidates were allowed a 10K limit for their campaigns. No ups, no downs, no extras.
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azuresees (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 6:25 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Nick, you're just hurt because VanW won't talk to you. And why should he? You've already determined he's a bad guy. His own money, legally spent, freedom of speech, etc. etc. etc.
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JohnLocke (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 8:33 a.m. (Suggest removal)
azuresees, while your sentiments are laudable they fly in the face of our fading republics' history. As inconvenient as it is, political campaigns have always been a function of money, rumor, accusations, some truth and a lot of media...one way or the other.
How a man spends his money is his business...unless he spends it on a cause you don't support. In that case, as the Poodle believes, the old Russian saying comes into play, "what's mine is mine...yours is negotiable".
To tell the truth I really prefer the Venezuela model of chavez/poodle - here are the ONLY people you WILL vote for...or better yet just stay home and I'll handle it from here.
As for that nefarious, diabolical, and oh so evil “criminal” Wolfswinkel; I can only say...Go For It Van! It's your money. As for the Poodle, keep writing because as we all know – the pen is mightier than the dollar. This is fun.
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jcrdan (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 8:40 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I find it curious that Wendy McCaw's newspaper has barely reported on Randall Van Wolfswinkel's extensive efforts to get his slate elected and has let Travis Armstrong fawn all over him as Santa Barbara's "savior" who is being vilified by the other media. And the News-Press is endorsing two on Van Wolfswinkel's slate: Dale Francisco and Frank Hotchkiss. I wonder if McCaw is expecting a payback.
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Moonrunner (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 12:10 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Thank goodness the Poodle has the guts to bark back at the PAC of curs that Randall Van Wolfswinkel has imported in his effort to dominate this election from his lair in Big D. Let's hope the voters are smart enough to yank his chain and give him and his minions something to chew on concerning civil politics in this little city.
It's truly a shame that some good local folks got roped into this snarling mess, and that Randall - who probably means well (there are no bad dogs, after all) - has bitten his own tail with this clumsy power play, and caused others to lose credibility.
While the (G.W.) Bush-league hard-ball methods might win elsewhere, the more mature Reagan-friendly Santa Barbara still retains its sense of independence and enough gumption to say no thanks to pit-bull tactics, especially when led by someone who acts like a big dog yet hides under the porch snarling and spitting up checks.
That said, the mysterious Mr. Van W.'s got every right to spend his money however he wants to. That ultimately helps the economy. Candidates can choose whether to accept his kind of support or to stand up against negative campaigning and reject it outright. That informs us about their principles. And we voters have the right to decide whether or not we want Tuesday to be the end of an unusual interval of developer-brained sleazeball politics, or only the beginning. That choice will set the tone for our city's next phase, and who ends up in City Hall and who in the doghouse.
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anemonefish (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 12:11 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I also heard Michael Self refer to "Alice Keck Park," like the woman's name is Alice Keck and here's her park. Her name is Alice Keck Park, and the proper name of the park is Alice Keck Park Memorial Gardens. This is a small point, but it shows Self is not in touch with Santa Barbara important details, and I bet she's never smoked a doobie in that park either. About her radio comments, was she lying about the police union? Maybe she just didn't know, which is worse. No vote for Self.
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BongHit (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 12:38 p.m. (Suggest removal)
The Poodle is right. "We’re a living, breathing city" and the best way to keep it that way is to destroy it. Don't you want Santa Barbara to conform to every other overbuilt City? So vote no on B and kill Santa Barbara. How we hate being different.
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Georgy (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 3:28 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Thanks Mr. Welsh for lifting the rocks and exposing these snakes. Many of these candidates such as Francisco, Self and Hotchkiss have shown themselves so disingenuously wrong on so many evidentary facts- they could only have gotten this far with a puppet master.
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EZK (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 3:35 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I would say that the medium of the Internet's blogeshpere probably has more power per spreading the word than Von Wolfswinkle's money.
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billclausen (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2009 at 4:05 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Congratulations. You must be feeling better!
Municipal mummification; how wonderful
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drdan93109 (anonymous profile)
October 30, 2009 at 9:53 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Does anyone remember the era of politics under the aegis of such people as Don Macgillivray(spelling mine)? This was the era when the Crosstown Freeway was the talk of the circuit and Pearl Chase was a liberal leader. Things have certainly changed; this was probably before Van Swindle was out of diapers!
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macatack5 (anonymous profile)
October 30, 2009 at 12:03 p.m. (Suggest removal)
macatack5, over the past few month's I have watched a number of people defame Mr. Vanswinkle. Using such cute terms as "Van Swindle". Now I do not personally know this man nor do I know if he is or isn't a bad person. But of all the attacks on this person yours tend to cross the line. Yes, politics brings out the worst and the best in people, but the discourse can be handled better than throwing out defamatory language. And he has entered the "political fray" by openly supporting a major candidate...but that does mean that you can call him a criminal. Beat him with a thoughtful argument and at the voting booth. Not by hiding behind macatack5 (anonymous profile).
Defamation victims can see the destruction of their business reputation; their personal privacy; their relationships. This is caused by the toxic combination of two harsh truths: (a) anonymous speech tends to bring out the worst in people and (b) people reading this garbage tend to believe that where there is smoke, there is fire.
The law provides a number of ways to address cyber bullying and Internet defamation. For example, if the particular facts present themselves, one might bring a lawsuit for:
the intentional infliction of emotional distress
libel
interference with contract
interference with prospective economic advantage
unfair trade practices
violation of contractual confidentiality provisions
invasion of privacy / right of publicity
copyright infringement
In addition, there are computer-based, forensic techniques that can identify who is posting the harmful material and from where. Suffice it to say that people who make such postings are not as anonymous as they might think.
Of course we are all committed to defending the First Amendment constitutional right to anonymous speech. However, in appropriate cases, when that speech crosses the line and enters the arena of wrongful misconduct, people should restrain themselves and just address the facts.
So make your points about this man but cut out the defamation. Your argument will be better received and far more mature. Daniel Petry - notice I always use my full name.
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jcrdan (anonymous profile)
October 31, 2009 at 9:25 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I was there and I saw it. In some ways, I realized that history was being made: like the Titanic, like the Hindenburg, like the Giant in "Jack and the Bean Stalk." Alas, the mighty fall. It will be topic for at least two generations. And most importantly of all, I was there to see it. And I was the only one. Ah, destiny.
It seemed like and ordinary Fall day. No one would have suspected. It looked like ordinary water. However, as the water arched out of the pail and splashed all over him, his last words were, "I'm melting, melting. Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world. Who would have thought that some little girl (Marty) like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness. ...
After Travis had completely melted away, I heard a chorus of little furry angels singing at the top of their celestial lungs:
Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old bitch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch isn't read.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up, the Wicked Witch isn't read. He's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know d
Travis Armstrong isn't read!
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tinybliss (anonymous profile)
October 31, 2009 at 3:03 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Your point? Or have the drugs set in. Daniel Petry
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jcrdan (anonymous profile)
November 1, 2009 at 8:57 p.m. (Suggest removal)
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