Gay Girl / Straight World
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
My girlfriend and I recently saw He’s Just Not That Into You, Hollywood’s latest attempt to capitalize on a best-selling book. Although we both enjoyed the film for its romantic comedy appeal, there was something a little bit off about our celluloid escape. We couldn’t figure it out: Were the people one-dimensional? Was it unbelievable? Even though it was difficult to separate the characters from the actors playing them—you can’t ignore the tabloid lives of such megawatt stars as Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, and Scarlett Johansson—the desires of each person to love and to be loved were real and relatable.
Gay Girl / Straight World
Then it hit us: We were looking in on a straight world, with straight rules for straight dating. This was foreign territory.
I’ve always been one to err on the side of honesty, sometimes to an awkward degree. I’m the girl who is up front about her feelings, and although my heart isn’t constantly on my sleeve, I tend to put myself out there more than most. How do I know if someone isn’t into me? If they look confused by my blurted confession of “I like you!” The back-and-forth mind games of He’s Just Not That Into You were hard to relate to as a gay woman, but also as a bluntly honest person.
Our conversation quickly turned to what signs indicate attraction among lesbians, and I also asked a few friends to describe how they know a girl digs them. As a rule, my pals agreed that gay women tend to be more honest at the outset about how they feel, which cuts down on those initial mind games. That only means, however, that should your relationship end, you’re likely due for double the amount of manipulative behavior.
That being said, without further ado, here’s She’s Just Totally Into You, version 1.0:
• Persistence: If a woman likes you, she’ll make it happen, no matter what. Time and distance have no bearing on this truth. Do you and your object of desire live in different time zones and you both lack a car, source of income, and stash of frequent flyer miles? No matter. She will lie, cheat, or steal to get to you. Also, a woman will make herself available, regardless of any constraints. Our first outing was supposed to be a short coffee date that ended up lasting upward of six hours, even though she had one of her final college papers due that afternoon.
• Physicality: The key to this one is subtlety; if a girl likes you, she’s guaranteed to graze your hand or lightly touch your knee. L Word devotees need look no further than the train wreck of Bette and the carpenter’s affair to recognize that subtle brushing up against another woman indicates attraction.
• Eye contact: As one friend put it, “She’ll just look at you with those googly eyes, and you know she likes you.” Although “googly eyes” is not the most scientific term, lesbians will confirm that prolonged eye contact—especially combined with an expectant sort of gaze—shows interest.
Now that you’re happily paired with a great gal, there are a few other things to keep in mind:
• U-Haul factor: The joke about what lesbians bring to a second date is funny because it’s true. Although there will always be womanizing ladies, in general, women want to be in relationships, so when two of them get together, there’s a common sense of purpose and a degree of speed that’s not often found among hetero couples. You’ll be settled into a homey cottage with two cats before you know what hit you.
• Drama: There’s the drama of staying together, and then there’s the drama of breaking up. Anyone who has tried to throw a party with lesbians understands the difficulty of getting together a guest list that doesn’t involve at least one conversation about not inviting so and so because her ex will show up with a new girlfriend, which will offend the former and all of her friends who took her side during the break up. It can get dicey.
Does all of this have the makings if a best-selling novel or a blockbuster movie? Not likely. But could it help you figure out if she’s into you? Maybe.