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    The Ring Thing

    From Sex in the City to Engaged and Underaged


    Tuesday, January 15, 2008
    By Mollie Vandor
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    Every little girl dreams about her wedding — about the dresses, the decorations, the dinner menu and, of course, the diamonds. Finding the perfect guy, fitting into the perfect dress and living the perfect happily ever after are goals us girls are socially, culturally and maybe even hormonally programmed to pine for. Sure, there are some exceptions, but for the most part, marriage is not a foreign concept for females.

    I’m no exception. I’ve dreamed about the dress, I’ve decided on the decorations, I even know what I want the dinner to look like. Many a girls’ night has devolved into discussions about the diamonds, and I’ve done plenty of page-turning in the bridal magazine section of the bookstore. Suffice it to say, I’m no stranger to musing about matrimony.

    What is strange to me is thinking seriously about what I’m going to wear to a wedding that’s say, a few months away. And not a cousin’s wedding, or a family friend’s wedding. It’s a wedding in which one of my girlfriends, just a year older than me, is planning to promise her love, loyalty and lifelong devotion to her boyfriend of four years. I mean, I knew it was going to happen eventually. I just never expected people to start seriously singing the wedding march this young. Growing up with Sex and the City, Melrose Place, Friends, Will and Grace, Scrubs and god knows how many other television shows and movies about the single lives of people in their late twenties and early thirties, I always assumed myself and my girlfriends would spend the better part of our immediate post-college years playing in the proverbial big city, with nothing but the height of our heels to hold us back from doing whatever, whenever. I never thought so many people would be so paired up so soon. But, with graduation just around the corner, it’s amazing how many people are getting engaged and even actually walking down the aisle.

    In the past few months, the aforementioned friend — who has been engaged for over a year now — has cemented a summer date for her big day. My freshman year roommate has a new rock and a tentative plan for taking the plunge in 2010. Another friend from freshman year just confessed that he’s planning to pop the question in the next few weeks, and one of my old summer camp comrades is working up the courage, and saving up the cash, to do it too. My boyfriend’s best friend just had his engagement party, and my manager at work was recently discussing dresses for her upcoming nuptials. Goodbye Sex and the City. Hello Engaged and Underaged.

    According to an article in The College Dispatch — published by students at Franklin and Marshall College in Pennsylvania — a 2002 CNN poll revealed that 63 percent of 17 to 23 year-olds were seriously considering or in favor of young marriage and, in 2004, MSNBC found that young marriages had recently increased by 17 percent in the United States. Apparently, my friends aren’t the only ones doing the “I Do” thing young.

    Now, my boyfriend’s first reaction to the whole issue was to say he could theoretically see himself getting married within the next few years. Then I made the question a little more specific. Suddenly, he wanted me to put him down as providing an official ‘no comment’ in reaction to the entire issue. Personally, I don’t know how I would feel if he were to get down on one knee to do anything other than tie his shoe. Female fantasizing aside, actually asking him if he could see us getting married made me nervous. Facing the finale of all of my single-girl city-seizing fantasies in any sort of real way is just a little too much for me to wrap my head around right now. How other people are doing it, I don’t know.

    What I do know is that people are pairing up at an alarming rate, and although my dreams of dancing with my gal pals are absolutely still feasible fantasies, the settings have switched from hip clubs to hotel ballrooms. And while I’m going to keep relegating the whole ring thing to the realm of my fantasies, I do have big plans to pop an important question of my own when my boyfriend and I go out to dinner tonight.

    After all, I’m going to need an escort for all these engagement parties, and a date when the big days come. And this way, I get to see him in a tux without any of that pesky permanent commitment stuff.

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    Comments

    Discussion Guidelines

    If you love the person and are very sure you want to be in there life for the rest of your life then why not wait what's the point of getting married so young, Finish school get a secure job and get your doe put together first. Be Independent for your own life. It’s so much more fulfilling to know that you have handled yours and now you can say ok I have completed all my personal accomplishments and now I feel like it’s the right time for us to start making our goals and to start our life together. For the couples that have already tied the knot, don’t get your self in to debt. GIRLS KEEP IN MIND, ITS JUST ONE NIGHT. If you have cash saved up spend it on a trip where you know it will be just you and him or buy a beautiful boat so when you want to get away you can. I feel that a wedding is a party that you’re catering for other people to enjoy themselves but you sometime's end up not being able to cater to your needs after the wedding is over. I'm not saying it's bad to have a wedding just be realistic and pray to god that a wedding isn't going to be the best night in your whole entire life.

    Readers say: Thumbs Up: 0 of 0 • Thumbs Down: 0 of 0

    TheG (anonymous profile)
    January 15, 2008 at 11:02 a.m. (Suggest removal)

    You've mentioned your grandparents in the past. I'd consult them since from what you've written they seemed grounded and not caught up on the modern day Yuppie nonsense.

    People who have been HAPPILY married for a LONG TIME are far better qualified to give advice than many of these modern so called marriage "experts".

    If you wonder why I'm writing this, think of all the posh weddings one sees and then shortly thereafter the couple is either divorcing or at each others throats. (Think Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt and most other celebrity couples)

    The last sentence on the previous post hits the nail on the head.

    Readers say: Thumbs Up: 0 of 0 • Thumbs Down: 0 of 0

    billclausen (anonymous profile)
    January 15, 2008 at 2:09 p.m. (Suggest removal)

    I don't understand why this is a column published in the Indy -- it reads like a personal blog.

    Readers say: Thumbs Up: 0 of 0 • Thumbs Down: 0 of 0

    UCCU (anonymous profile)
    January 16, 2008 at 10:09 a.m. (Suggest removal)

    I think a lot of young people are lured into marriage by all the secondary glamour that comes with it. I mean, the initiation into a marriage-- a big diamond ring on your finger, people fussing over you, a big ceremony, a beautiful gown, an exotic honeymoon-- is almost enough to make me forget about my life plans as an individual.
    Pair all that with the anxiety of graduating from college and being flung into a life in which there is no longer a set path directing you where to go and what to do (i.e. elementary, middle, high school, college, and now what?), and it's understandable why so many young people are throwing themselves into marriage.
    I don't want to undermine true love and commitment, but it's much easier to just go and get married than it is to face the so-called "real world,"-- where one must make difficult decisions, take risks, and work like a maniac-- all the while trying to figure out who you are and what makes you happiest. Alone.
    Americans are liberated by law, but many haven't truly been liberated by themselves.

    Readers say: Thumbs Up: 0 of 0 • Thumbs Down: 0 of 0

    critterchels (anonymous profile)
    January 16, 2008 at 1:04 p.m. (Suggest removal)

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