Wigged Out

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File this one under “S” for “Seriously???”

When I got into the office last Monday, I was greeted by one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. And, as a UCSB alum, recovering deadhead, and Indy staffer, I’ve seen some truly bizarre stuff in my days. This, though, this takes the cake. Perched on my desk sat a cardboard box filled with wigs.

For pets.

It seems two S.B. sisters, Crissy and Jenny Slaughter, have developed a line of faux-fringes for Fidos, FiFis, and Felixes in need of a new ’do. The 29-page photo album that accompanied the press release and product samples featured cats and dogs sporting the various looks — the “Celebutante,” the “Pin-Up,” the “Bobcat” — and, it must be stated, had a vaguely pornographic feel to it. Dubbed Total Diva Pets, the company boasts wigs in platinum, strawberry-blonde, and shocking pink, each thoughtfully equipped with such canine and feline-friendly features as ear holes and adjustable chin straps.

The question I keep coming back to, though, is why? For Bowser’s hot night on the town? Or perhaps Cha-Cha prefers to visit the vet incognito. Maybe Scooter needs to keep his head warm, and beanies are so last year. Or maybe they’ve been developed to help keep a low profile, like for families relocated by the Witness Protection Program. (Well, that looks like Tony, but last I recall, Spike wasn’t a blond.)

Who would subject their alleged best friend to this sort of humiliation? The possibilities that come to mind range from the thoroughly vain, the sick-sense-of-humored, and the sadistic to just the desperately, dangerously bored. If I dared affix such a strap-on to my own dog, I have no doubt I’d lose a finger. But then, there are those of the Chihuahua-as-accessory school, the teacup-toting Parises of the world to keep such a company in business — and such fashionable disguises may even help the poor four-legged friends of the red-carpet set dodge the paparazzi when mommy’s doing time in the pokey.

So will pet wigs become the next big thing? Only time will tell. But let me know when Pet Botox hits the market. I know a Shar Pei who could use it.

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