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Too Much Information


Monday, April 16, 2007

Things are on an even keel with The Biker (or should I say my new BF?). And let me reiterate that my interest in the man is not purely physical or sexual-like some suggested-although I do appreciate his perfect Brad Pitt-like buttocks; nothing wrong with that.

We’re still getting to know each other, and just because we’ve pledged exclusivity in the dating world, that doesn’t mean that we’re about to get hitched anytime soon. One Step at a Time. That’s my philosophy. He makes me laugh, is that so bad?

So previous infidelity aside, I’m forging ahead at the speed of a snail on a full stomach. Thanks again for all your fantastic advice.

It’s funny how as soon as you’re genuinely interested in someone all your ex-crushes, lovers, and past flings seem to re-appear out of the blue. So far this week I’ve received emails, text messages, and phone calls from no less than three ex-beaus. Two of whom I thought I’d never hear from again. Is it because I’m sending out a different vibe, or is it merely that spring is in the air? I don’t know, but I can’t help but find it intriguing and somewhat flattering. While I ignored two out of the three, I did respond to my old weakness, The Writer. The text conversation went cold-my cell battery died-before I had a change to bring up my recent relationship status. Lousy excuse, I know. But I will tell him, even if it means sending him a link to this column.

Everything in its own time; especially, when it comes to disclosing one’s innermost thoughts and feelings. I learned this the hard way on Sunday when The Biker and I were lying in bed all snuggled up. Chop it up to weekend euphoria, post-orgasmic bliss, or whatever, but there was this great “I-feel-like-I-can-tell-you-anything” sensation. We were deep in conversation about people and places that inspire us, when my BF brings up his French fashionista (girl) friend, straight out of left field. This girl is only 27, but is apparently quite mature for her age.

The Biker: There’s also my friend Nicole in France: You remember, I told you about her right?

Me: (The 27-year-old goddess who wanted to marry you, and who you almost left your ex-girlfriend for? How could I forget?) I do.

The Biker: Well, I have that rare spiritual connection with her that you only find with a true soul mate.

Me: Uhm: yeah?

The Biker: Yeah, it’s like she’ll say something and it could have come straight out of my mouth!

Me: Wow, that’s special.

The Biker: Yes, she’s my spiritual counterpoint in so many ways, but still it’s entirely different from what I have with you: Do you want to know how I feel about you?

Me: Nah, that’s okay. Actually, I’m really tired [insert deliberate yawn].

Wow, I’m a little taken aback by all of this! A soul mate and a spiritual counterpoint? I might be being overly sensitive here, but isn’t there some kind of rule against telling your newly-recruited girlfriend these kinds of things? If we were simply dating maybe I would have been a bit more overbearing, but I actually think that this kind of information-when indulging in after-sex-deliberation-is a major mood-killer, regardless of your affiliation with the guy.

I may seem cold when I shut him down just as he was (probably) trying to redeem himself, but at that point I couldn’t help but feel that no matter what he said, it wouldn’t stick quite the way that “soul mate” had. Then I started wondering what that makes me? His blond bombshell? The girlfriend with whom he has really great-and really convenient-sex? Or maybe I’m his U.S. girlfriend. He could have a whole other selection of girls when he’s “on business” in Europe! It didn’t help matters knowing he’ll be away in Europe for a good four weeks this summer, visiting her amongst other things.

Ok, I know my imagination got totally derailed there for a minute, and that he didn’t really mean any harm. He was just good old-fashioned clueless-the male kind. So he felt like he could spill his guts without suffering any consequences. Call it a slip of the tongue-or just plain old stupidity-but let me tell you fellows that there actually is such a thing as too much information. (Think Will Ferrell in “Old School,” where he’s sitting in couples therapy and goes of on a tangent about the underwear of a woman he saw at the grocery store.)

Not surprisingly, this goes both ways. If I tried to add up all the times I’ve reveled in stories about admirers and amazing, super-charming guy friends in front of my current boyfriends, I’d have to borrow a calculator. Hypocrisy is a fickle mistress. In the words of one of my favorite bloggers-the immaculate Alyssacentric:

I used to always tell guys about other guys…about ex-boyfriends, or getting hit on, old crushes, random fantasies, or whatever. First of all, guys hate that. Second of all, nothing good comes of it!”

Check out her blog when you get a chance. It’s light and humorous like a glass of bubbly!

What about you, have you ever crossed the line when telling your current partner about ex-flings in the belief that he or she would find it entertaining? When referring to opposite sex friends and former lovers, it can be pretty darn hard to determine where to draw the line between human and hurtful.

Do you think that The Biker went too far when referring to his French friend as his soul mate? And, am I entitled to be hurt, or should I just let it slide and keep my mouth shut? What do you think?

Thanks guys. See you next week!

Chassy

The Consul

Opera Santa Barbara presents "The Consul" by Gian-Carlo Menotti. Read More