After reading dating expert Ryan Keyes-Mathews and (everyone else’s) stellar advice, I decided it was time for a real-live-meeting with the man himself, and I invited Ryan and his GF Nathalia to join me for lunch on Saturday.
Ryan and Nathalia were sweet enough to drive out here from L.A. so Ryan could dish out his expertise to this damsel in distress. Not surprisingly, Ryan was just as charming as I expected and his GF was equally striking and perceptive. (Like will to like!). Nathalia actually used to live in SB, frequenting the hot-spot dating scene, and we all ended up having this great discussion about the pitfalls of dating in this gorgeous, expensive, surf-driven town. They met online, and are both relentless optimists and go-getters, which is perhaps one reason it was impossible not to feel charged and hopeful after Ryan’s enlightened talk of ‘having faith in your instincts.’ In his own words:
I would like to start off by saying it was a pleasure to meet you today. I believe that you represent a large number of women that are in search of someone special. Santa Barbara is a very dog-eat-dog dating scene, but with a bit of persistence you can find love! Even I was swept off my feet by a sexy sincere surfer girl from SB. So I stand before you proclaiming my own success in the city where single dome seems to be the “In Thing,”-and the only thing. You have a lot to offer any would-be-male in hot pursuit of Mrs. Right. After all, aren’t most guys in search of smart, witty, active, and attractive?
Some of the critique I offered you over lunch should provide you with some insight to the opposite sex, and your current dilemma with The Biker. The three keys to furthering your relationship will be 1) communication, 2) confidence, and 3) saying “so long” to self fear! So forget fear, and forge ahead with faith in your instincts.
Realize what you want, ready yourself for the pursuit, and allow yourself to feel the satisfaction of the success!
Cheers to new friends,
Ryan Keys-Mathews a.k.a. The Coaching Casanova
Ryan is of the firm belief that I need to exercise less caution in my relationship with The Biker (speak up about any super-ex-fears etc.), forget about my fling; The Writer (he called this “a comfort thing that goes nowhere”), and be open to new friendships and perhaps more, as long as I’m not in an exclusive relationship. Time to go with my primal instincts!
Based on your insightful comments I can tell that you basically agree with Ryan, and I’ve decided to be friends with Jason, maybe go for a ride or two together, and see what evolves. The comments from e.g. equus_posteriori and LJ lead me to believe that I haven’t been entirely fair when portraying The Biker as fun but totally ex-fixated. I’ve been trying to share with you guys wassup, but if I were to tell you about every time he fixed my bike, took me out for sushi, or wrote me sweet texts, I’d need to write lot more than one weekly column. Just want to mention that there is some progression in the ‘relationship’ and, in fact, I’m the one who’s been hitting the brakes on this thing-recently.
His super-ex hasn’t shown her super-jaded face in the gym or anywhere else for the past week. Thank God. Still, I have some discomfort and apprehension based on how he handled this and how we’ll be far apart for a good few months starting in May. The Biker asked me Friday night over Italian-at Montecito’s Via Vai-“C, what are we exactly?” Wow, I immediately smelled danger, and being fiercely adept at dodging ‘The Talk’ when not prepared, I mumbled something elusive, while staring at my shrimp risotto like it was a rare piece of art. He seemed nowhere near content with my response, when I finally mumbled “we’re dating, right?” He looked at me, half shaking his head in disbelief, half smiling; “Is that really the best we can do?”
And that’s a pretty good question.
Ryan suggested that I put The Biker to the test, and as it happens next weekend is the perfect opportunity to see if he’s serious BF potential. Initially, I was gutted when learning that he’ll be spending all of Easter weekend with a new client who’s flying in from the East Coast. She’ll be in town for a full four days, interacting with him, and staying at the Oceana by the beach. (Did I mention that this is Easter weekend we’re talking about?) I may be in the wrong, but it seems rather excessive considering how he’s not exactly in the business of planning Fortune 500 mergers. They’ve been talking on the phone for months and he told me that she’s Polish, “really good on a bike,” and used to be a pro tennis player. Wonderful! But, why do I need to know this? I’m wondering if he’s trying to make me jealous, or if he’s asking my permission to date someone else.
One thing is for sure, I now kick myself for waiving all GF-privileges, and color me unfair, but somehow this whole situation is SO not kosher!
Maybe it’s karma. Or maybe it’s just what it feels like when you’re keen on someone, and have been playing your cards like a blind person. In any case, I’ll be watching how things play out with the curiosity of a tabloid staking out the Spears’ residence. Ryan advised that I hang out in SB for a bit (as opposed to fleeing to San Diego all weekend) to see if The Biker will introduce me to the pole dancer:ummm, I mean Polish girl.
What do you think?-If your date was meeting with a female client all weekend would it be cool? And would you even want to know? Or, if you were the guy having the meeting, would you make it a point to set up an introduction? In other words, does this stink to high heaven or am I the one making a baby into a giant?
Let me know what you think.
Thanks so much, and have a great Easter!