“MENCH - a human being, upright, honorable, decent person, someone to admire.”

~ http://www.messiahnj.org/yiddish.htm***

When I got sober it was not so I could be a miserable person. OK at the beginning I was “glum” but that was because at the beginning of my sobriety a mirror was held up to me and I did not like who I saw. So… slowly… I changed. I am becoming the human “being” and not the human ”doing” that my spirit intended me to be…all along. I am not, by any means, a perfectly good, “shiny penny” or flawless human. I am, however, a perfect “me”. I am exactly where I should be, doing what I should be doing. My intention every day is to …somehow “be of service.”

In Yiddish there is a word I simply dote on. I want to be this word. I want my last name to be this word….Lizzy “Mench.” And well why not? There are worse things to be as a human. Shouldn’t we all want to be, “…a decent person, someone to admire” ?

I think I am probably on the “gangway” to becoming this. It is, after all, progress and not perfection. And there are people in my life…in this town and other towns…who show me every day…how to be a better human.

“The Man”

Firstly, my fiancé’. The absolute gratitude and adoration I have for this man is unflinching. He loves me when I cannot and more importantly, “will not”, love myself. He is such a good man that the word “mench” should be tattooed on his ass. I am just saying. Because I can be the dragon lady come to life on any given day and for no apparent reason other than …I like to breath fire! And while I may breath fire…he may also be the “balm of Gilead”…to my worried and wounded soul. He sees me when no one else does or most importantly when no one wants to. It is an utter delight to just sit on our (New…and highly recommended) memory foam bed and have him teach me sign language or simply to talk and laugh and play. I am 49 years old and I still need to play…every day. So thanks baby…for being putting the “jamm” in my sails!

“The Boy”

My son is simply the best human I know. I want to be him when I grow up. He channels God, love, peace, joy and is the single best thing I have ever taken part in creating. He is the light and love of my life. He is the best in me. He is love.

“The Hu-Man”

This one will shock you. I adore my lawyer. Right now my sons father is making life very difficult for us. He is a former “Hollywood medium-shot” who is so well loved by the distracted, that I forgot who I was and ended up vacating my sanity and my morals to be with him and the “result”… my stunningly brilliant son. Blessed as I am to have my son, I am equally burdened by his father. And it is my lawyer…this mench of a guy…who is hanging in with me…this man is showing me in the physical that “people” are more important than property. Even though he knows money is short and I can be a whacky client. He is raising the bar and showing his legal “abs” to help my son and I. He is a calming influence during times of confusion and fear. Always reminding me that I am doing the right thing in being my son’s advocate. I know Shakespeare said, “kill all the lawyers” and in many cases I agree…but this man is quite simply “a good, decent and honorable man”…and we are lucky to have him on our side.

“Group Mench”

My son’s teachers at Santa Barbara Junior High. Including staff and admin. My son is having a grand time in junior high. The teachers have a way…a very sly tricky way of getting the kids to love learning. Yes! They are creative and challenging. Tough but tender. They have passion for their work and instill passion in the students. The assistant principal has known us, my son and I, since the beginning of his school career. She was his kindergarten teacher. Right now my boy is feeling some of the “pangs” of growing up. He is aware of what his father and I are going through. He has met his Dad only once and he still believes in the man. But it has been hard and it can influence his sense of self-worth. His experience at school has helped him “know” positive male role models. All the men at school are wonderful men and great examples of what it is to be a “good man.” So that within this “snow globe” of learning... this boy, this young man has the best of the best in examples of what it is to be a good person and a good teacher.

“The Women”

I have a slew of lovely talented women around me at this time.

My acting teacher at college is a gem above gems. A ruby. A gentle, graceful, tolerant, patient, loving, generous, kind, passionately committed, gifted and brave woman. I thought my gift had died and she has nurtured and protected it back into bloom. When a “creative” is coming back to life... a mentor can be the single most important factor. Some one to say, ”All you ever needed was in your own backyard…all the time…you just have to turn around and see it.”

My fiancé’s Mom. Quite simply the essence of elegance, grace and beauty. A great woman. One who defines gentility, love and light. For me the best example of what it is to be evolved. She loves us and we know it…every day.

My “Sober Sisters”

Can I get an “AMEN!”

"Hallelujah!"



I got sober almost eleven years ago and I did it in Santa Barbara. I have this grand group of female “compadres” to share life, love, agony and joy with. Last night, high on a hill in Carp. I was with 20+ “Sober Sisters.” I cooked all day in preparation. I marinated a pork roast in mountains of garlic and course salt and then slow roasted it until it crackled and fell off the bone. With a cornucopia of winter veges. Butternut and acorn squash, stuffed with caramelized onions and garlic. Sour greens, Rapini, Chard and Turnip Greens. Small white turnips poached and caramelized. I did my best for my best girls!

We share our sadness,our hopes and fears. We have lost so many this year to our disease it is beyond imagining. Too many…always…too many. We bonded in that loss and like a bonfire of love, our souls ignited. That still small flicker of hope is still in each of us. And we shared in gratitude that we are here and that we are loved.

In examining my “mench-load”... I find I have so many people I could thank, I would have to run the blog for a week non-stop to mention them all.

Safe to say. I am showered in love.

I want to…and have to believe…if I am the best possible human I can be…the mench in me…will come forth.

soberspitbath@gmail.com

***Yiddish is the language of the Jewish people of Europe. Its origin is found in the waves of Jewish people who migrated from the Middle East to Europe during the years spanning 700-1000 C.E. They initially settled in an area of Germany called Ashkenaz, picked up the local Germanic language but wrote it out using Hebrew characters. Thus the Yiddish language consists of three basic components: 


Old German 80%, Hebrew 10%, and Slavic and other tongues 10%.